"So how was California?" Dallas asked, just after waking up. I straddled him, my fingers tracing his bare chest.
"Like a living hell." I said.
"How'd you get that?" He traced my bottom swollen lip with his thumb. "And this?" he added, lifting up my shirt and exposing the cut across the middle of my abdomen. "Did a guy do this to you? Cause I'll fly to Cali right now and kick his ass."
"Actually, I beat the shit out of this girl." I wasn't trying to brag, but to word it any differently would be an understatement. "I guess all those lessons you gave me paid off.
He looked surprised.
"Really? Cause that is very sexy..." he grinned.
I sighed and leaned down, my face close to his, and my fingers running through his hair.
"I missed this." I said.
His hands stroked my hips.
"So did I." He replied.
I hardly left Dally's side all weekend, even when he was at Buck's working, I sat at the bar while he sneaked me drinks, and occasionally kisses. It felt as if spring break was weeks ago, because the haze of emotions that so directly controlled my actions was completely gone, and I was once again living in a bliss.
I returned to school Monday, feeling an extra 'pep in my step'. I found the girls at lunch, and took a seat next to Jelly.
"Hey guys!" I said, before chowing down on a sandwich.
"You sure look happy." Dawn said. I was a little embarrassed by my emotionally unstable week in California.
"I am happy." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm sorry you had to see that last week...I had a lot to deal with." I explained, mostly to Dawn and Audrey. I felt like I was literally a PMS'ing nutcase over break, and I hated them seeing me that way.
"Crazy ex-boyfriend, screwed up brother, run in with an old psycho best friend? I don't see how you still have hair left on your head." Dawn teased. "And to watch you unleash it all on that bitch's ass was quite entertaining."
The bell rang signaling the end of the school day and I found Kit, Dawn, Jelly, and Audrey waiting for me in our usual spot in the parking lot. We car pool everyday in order to save gas.
"Oh, you guys go ahead, I have a ride." I said, hearing the motorcycle in the distance. They looked at me puzzled, I had forgotten they didn't know Dallas and I were back together. A second later he pulled up, saying something to the girls. I kissed him, then hopped on behind him, I flashed the girls a smile and we sped off.
Dallas had to work the night shift that night, as he did every Monday night, and Owen was....elsewhere. I was flipping through the television channels when I heard screaming outside. I peered out the window to see Blair running down the street in a panic. By the time I had reached her, she was sitting on the ground, her face buried in her knees.
"Blair?" I knelled down and laid a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"She's hurt, I can't find her but someone has to help her." She replied.
I stared at her confused. "Blair, there's no one else here....just us, why are you screaming?" I noticed the fresh cut forming on her wrist.
"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I pretend it's alright....but it's never enough." She answered.
She was really starting to freak me out. I understood she was hurt, I didn't know why, but all that mattered was that she was hurting, and desperately needed help. We all consider Blair to practically be mute, because she hardly ever talks, but perhaps that wasn't the case at all. Maybe Blair was talking....but no one simply took the time to listen.
"Blair, you can't keep bottling it in like this, it'll just continue to eat away at you till there's nothing left." I said in a soft voice.
"Don't you get it?" her voice raised. "Why should I care when there's nothing worth living for?"
That broke my heart. No matter how bad life gets, or how rough it may be, there's always something waiting on the other side, something worth all the pain and struggle.
"How can I show you?" I said, mostly to myself. "Blair, I don't want to leave you here by yourself, you can come to my house, no one's home." I offered.
Surprisingly she stood to her feet.
"C'mon." I said, placing my hand on her back.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I suggested, trying to get her mind off things. "We have on demand..with all the new releases."
She just sat on the couch, tears streaming down her face, and nodding.
"Here," I handed her the remote, "scroll down and choose a movie. I'm going to put a pizza in the oven."
About ten minutes later I returned to the living room, handing her a coke, and I noticed "Life of Pi" was playing. The whole night we just sat and watched new movies, and ate pizza, and we only ever spoke just one other time, in the middle of the movie.
"I slept with Dallas." She said, catching me off guard.
"I know." I said calmy.
"I'm sorry...I just owed him for something, it didn't mean anything." She was babbling.
I moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her, pushing her head to my shoulder.
"It's okay." I said.
That was it, nothing more, nothing less, but it was all I asked for, and little did I know, we were starting a tradition.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
This is Home
After noticing who Owen was talking to, I immediately dashed back into my room closing the door behind me and leaning against it. My heart was racing, and I began to sweat. Jax was perhaps the very last person I wanted to walk back into my life, maybe aside from Lillah. A heard a knock at my door. I cracked it open, praying it wasn't Jax, and I met those soft familiar eyes that read deep into my soul.
"It's just me." Adam said, pressing through the door.
I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Truth was, I'd rather die then re-face my old life here in Cali, it was like choosing to stay in a cage after your master unlocks the door and says you can come out. What was I doing here? I turned to Adam...
"How did you come out of all this kid?" I asked. He smiled and sat down next to me.
"You just needed me I guess." He said. I sat up and playfully punched him in the leg.
"I know you needed me too." I stuck my tongue out at him.
I spent enough time in my room to ensure there was a large enough time span since Jax had left. I put on my zebra striped, bandeau, mint colored bikini and joined the rest of the gang out in the pool. After about an hour of swimming, everyone was getting hungry and Daniella was starting to make dinner. I decided on a late night shooting pool, playing video games, and drinking fruity cocktails was the way to go. So I changed into my jeans and a black and white striped v neck, and let my wet hair hang loose around my shoulders, in order to make a quick trip to the store. Since it wasn't that far, I decided to walk, and figured it would help me blow off some steam. I had just made it out the gate of our neighborhood, and rounded the street corner across from the store, when two guys from between the buildings grabbed me. One had their hand over my mouth while the other one tried to contain my spastic limbs. A moment later I realized who it was that was carrying me, it was two guys from the Sons. We entered into some trees behind a park when they dropped me in the dirt. I know they didn't mean to, but because I was giving them a hard time in my defense to get away, they just let go and I fell. I stood up and cursed while brushing the dirt off my pants.
"After a year, this is the welcome I get?" I said looking at Phil and Tig. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Hey Rhy." A voice I could pull out of a room filled with people. I spun around.
"Are you shittin me Jax?" I yelled. "You have Tig and Filthy Phil here kidnap me and drag me here against my will, and all you say is 'hey'? What the fuck man?"
Honestly, it was probably the only way he could get me to talk to him, but he didn't have to cause me to almost piss myself in the process.
"Oh don't start Rhyan. You know you wouldn't have come if I asked." He shook his head.
"You could've at least tried." I said. I stood there for a silent moment, shuffling my feet with my arms folded.
"It's good to see you." He said, in that tone he reserved only for me. Jax is a badass, people didn't take him seriously or do what he wanted if he didn't use a thorough strong tone, but he soon learned that, that was no was to speak to a woman and I wasn't going to put up with being spoken to that way, so he quickly adjusted and developed a softer, more light voice that I only heard him use when speaking to me.
"I'm not here for a mushy reunion," I stated, "what do you want?"
"I'm going to put up with you acting this way, because..well I deserve it, but my mom doesn't...and I know she misses you. If theres only one person you decided to visit while you're here, it should be her."
He was right. I loved Gemma, she was the only mother figure I had. I knew that when she found out I had first left California, it was nothing short of a heart break for her, and knowing I was in town now and not stopping by for a visit would be like a slap in the face, and honestly I felt the yearning for a mother's love lately.
"Alright." I sighed. "But I expect a ride." I said.
Jax smirked. "gladly!"
And there I was, on the back of a motorcycle heading to the last place I ever imagined returning to. The moment I stepped foot on the compound, everything came rushing back, attempting to knock me on my feet. I grabbed Jax's arm to steady myself, and hoped he wouldn't take it as some romantic gesture, but I was willing to take that risk over knocking heads with the pavement. I entered the club house, hearing Jax speed off behind me. I guess he figured it'd be easier for me without the pressure of him being there.
"Well I'll be damned!" I heard that Irish accent ringing loud from the group of men sitting at one of the tables playing poker. Chibs rose to his feet, a cigarette hanging out his mouth. He was probably one of the few here that could get me to smile on any given day no matter what I was feeling.
"Hey Chibs. How's it going?" I said.
"Get your wee ass over here and give me a hug." He instantly had his arm around me, pulling me into a bear hug. "You have a run in with Jax yet?" he asked.
"Why else do you think I'd be standing here?" I teased.
"So that's where Tig and Filthy Phil ran off to huh?." He put the pieces together. "I got you something."
He ventured behind the bar and returned with a paper bag. He emptied it into my hand, exposing a small gold ring with a single white pearl with the band forming a butterfly on each side of it. The pear was a reference to what he used to call me. I remember the days when I'd come around here, my hair all pinned up, my makeup the best I could get it, back when Jax and I started dating. Chibs would call out, "Well look at that pearl." I guess it was a reference to something pure, something simple that still held and unrecognized amount of beauty.
"Happy Birthday!" He said.
I had been so caught up with everything going on lately, that I forgot my birthday was in two weeks.
"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked.
"I figured you couldn't leave me here forever." He responded.
I thanked him in the midst of another hug. Then remembered who I had come here to see in the first place.
"Do you know where Gemma is?"
"I believe she's in the office." Chibs instructed.
I gave a light tap on the door. "Come In." I heard a voice say from the other side.
I didn't even have time to breathe before she had her arms wrapped around me and nearly swinging me all over the room.
"All my babies are home at last!" She shouted, before sitting me back down and kissing me on the cheek.
"Don;t get too excited, I'm only here for the week." I said.
"That's enough for me." She said, sitting back down in the office chair.
I sat on the desk next to her.
"So how's my baby girl doing?" She patted my leg.
I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I've been better."
"Does this have anything to do with Jax?" she questioned.
"Not just him....by the way, do you know what your son did to me?" I explained in full exaggeration how Jax literally had me dragged here.
"Don't worry. I'll make him pay for it." she assured.
I half smiled, and Gemma gave me a look that meant she knew there was other stuff I was hiding.
"Okay okay." I said, giving in. "Well, aside from Owen's mischievous acts of crime, and spending spring break in the very place we went to Tulsa to escape..... I left the best thing to ever happen to me confused and brokenhearted standing in my drive way."
Gemma's eyes perked up. "A boy?" she said surprised. I knew that I was already nothing short of a daughter to her, but being with her son would officially make me family, and I know that's secretly what she had hoped for, but I also know she understands, and just wants me to be happy.
"What's this boy like?" she asked.
I began to describe Dallas to her.
"Well, he's the rebel of the group."
Gemma rolled her eyes, "Of course." then she nodded for me to continue.
Dallas Winston. Who was Dallas Winston to me?
"He rides a motorcycle, he's got the street smarts, and will kick your ass if you tell him what to do. Honestly, he scares the living hell outta some people. He likes to get wasted, and never turns down a good fight. He's cold, with a 'hard as nails' attitude that sometimes make me want to punch him. But...then he's not, he's warm, and light-hearted. He's un-tameable, but fragile, and he hates the world because all the world's ever shown him is hate, yet he's passionate, and under all that shallowness is a deep genuine character. He's charismatic, and is always the first person I notice when walking into a crowd of people, and he's not a charity case either, because I don't want to change him, he's perfect just the way he is...and I love that about him." I lost myself in my feelings, exposing the inner thoughts I wasn't even aware I had. And did I just use love and Dallas in the same sentence? Perhaps something only I was capable of doing.
"Honey, it sounds to me like you're crazy, madly in lo.." I cut her off.
"Don't say it." I said. She looked at me puzzled.
Like I had just explained to Gemma, Dallas hates the world. Why would I ever stand aside from that?
"He doesn't know how to love, Gemma..." I said.
She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes, "Then show him how."
I had just made my initial problem something differently entirely. Were hidden reasons why I didn't just prance into Tulsa and beg him to take me back? Reasons not yet known to myself?
"If there's anyone the kid can learn to love, Rhyan, it's you." she added. "I may live a life that's dangerous, wild, and edgy. I put up with the baddest of the bad, but if there's one thing I'm sure of....even the coldest heart can love."
I took a minute to get my feelings together. I collected myself, then said my goodbyes to everyone and assured them I'd be at the party the following night, and paced back home in a stance entirely different than the one I left the house in.
I opened the door to my room and flipped on the lights. Jax was sitting on my bed, staring at me. I jumped.
"Jesus Christ kid! Can't you learn to give a girl a warning?"
He just laughed. I was fed up with his surprise appearances. My emotions were running high this entire trip, and him popping in unannounced wasn't helping.
"Why are you in my room?" I just wanted to pass out.
"Cause, I want to talk to you." he said.
I sat down on the bed next to him. I remembered the many nights we spent in this bed, most of them naked. It made me uncomfortable, so I awkwardly switched my position.
"Rhyan, I know I handled things badly before you left, and I'm so sorry I reacted that way, especially after I saw what it did to you. But, this is my life, it's how I was raised. It's all I know. But, I swear if you give me a chance to work at it...to change my ways...I promise I.."
"No Jax." I said, cutting him off. The 'change my ways' part tuned me out. I was just telling his mom how I liked Dallas just the way he was, however messed that may be. I didn't want him to change, and he shouldn't have to.
"You're not even going to let me finish?" He sounded ticked off.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"I know those feeling can't all just be gone Rhy."
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me intensely. He was right, my feelings for him were not one hundred percent diminished, but my feelings for someone else were one hundred percent stronger. I really didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for what had to be at least five minutes, Jax's eyes never leaving me. Finally, I turned to say something, but when I did all I found were his lips pressed against mine. A second later I heard the door open, revealing Audrey standing in my door way witnessing what had just taken place. She awkwardly turned and left without saying a word.
"Please....just leave." I told him. And so he did, with nothing short of a pissed off look on his face.
The Son's Party was just as wild as the ones I could remember. There was alcohol, of course, everywhere, and half naked girls dancing around the smoke clouded room. I sat at the bar with Gemma and Clay, sipping on a beer. If it had been a year or two ago, I'd be out playing pool with the guys, or dancing to the music, or in the corner somewhere with Jax, back when everyone felt like family. But now, I felt like I was among strangers.....this wasn't home anymore. I noticed Jax hanging around Audrey, who was completely trashed, and the leading her in to a room. A little while later I head some commotion and ran in to see what the problem was. Audrey was puking her guts out on the floor. I immediately knew that Jax had given her something. I found myself screaming again, which I felt I was doing a lot lately. After Gemma ensured that Audrey was in no immediate harm, we hurried back to my house and got her in bed. I sat there a while, making sure she was okay, and figured it was best for her to just sleep it off.
Owen was out doing the legal stuff he came here to do, and it was pouring rain outside, so the gang and I spent the day watching movies and eating junk food. That evening I walked downstairs and came to a dead stop in the living room where I found Owen, Dawn, Gemma, Jax, Chibs, and Lillah.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I gestured to the trashy, dirty, twat dressed in what looked like rags.
"Excuse me?" She said, eyes ablaze.
"You heard exactly what I said Bitch." I answered.
"Do you wanna get cut?" she hissed.
"Try me!" I yelled.
I was so ready for this moment. Before moving to Tulsa, I wasn't terrible in a fight, I was swift, but I didn't use muscle, which doesn't really get you much of anywhere, But now, living on the North side of Tulsa, Lillah didn't stand a chance. I motioned to Dawn to back me up, little did I know I wouldn't need any. Lillah reared her elbow back fro a punch, but I caught her fist with one hand, grabbed her wrist with the other, and bashed her elbow in the glass coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. She cursed then came at me sending us toppling to the floor. She sat on top of me, getting a few punches in, but I grabbed her neck, pushing it to the floor and pinning her to the ground. I punched her a few times in the stomach with my free hand, until I felt her get a hold of my hand in her mouth and biting me. I socked her a good one in the mouth after that. I stood up, and Lillah followed with a slap to my face.
"Oh, I didn't know you were a cheer leader?" I teased.
I pinned her against the wall, my knee in her stomach, and my arm under her chin.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you." She threatened.
In an attempt to pull her away from the wall, she managed to pull out a knife, slightly cutting my abdomen. I grabbed her wrist, twisting it till I heard a snap. She screamed in pain. I picked up the knife and held it firmly, but loose in my hand.
"This is how you hold a knife dip shit." I informed. She came at me again, expecting me to try and slice her open, but instead I head butted her in the nose, sending drops of red dripping on the carpet. I pinned her to the wall again, my hand clasped on her throat and the knife resting above it, barely piercing the first layer of skin.
"If you ever fucking see you again, I won't hesitate to slide this knife right through your tiny cold heart...got it? I pulled her head back and bashed it against the wall. I stepped again, Lillah crumpling at my feet. I turned to see everyone staring in awe.
"Were on earth lassy did you learn to do that?" Chibs asked.
I wiped my bleeding lip on the back of my arm. "I'm a greaser!" I said, spitting on Lillah's unconscious heap.
I went upstairs and into the bathroom to address my wounds, and afterwards found myself in my bed, hot tears streaming down my face. This week was an overload of emotions that were slowly tearing me down piece by piece until I had finally resulted into this broken mess of anxiety. Someone came in the room, it was too dark for me to see who at first. In this moment, even Dallas couldn't comfort me. There was only one person I wanted right now. He crawled into bed next to me, pulling my face to his chest and stroking my hair.
"I know we came here to take care of some stuff, and attempt to provide our friends with a fun filled getaway, but please, can we just go home?" I pleaded. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of California, to go back to Tulsa where I belonged.
"Okay Rhyan." Owen said, kissing the top of my head. "Okay."
Four hours later, I was lying in my bed in Tulsa, with tears still in my eyes. It was three in the morning, but I couldn't manage any sleep. I flipped through the contacts on my phone and dialed the one I wanted.
"Hello?" he said, sounding surprisingly sober. His voice instantly warmed me.
"Dallas.......I need you!" Was all I said, and it was the biggest truth I ever told.
"Where are you?" He asked.
It took all about ten minutes till I heard the motorcycle pull up in the driveway. I opened the door, and found Dallas, confused, standing before me. I couldn't move myself to words at first, what do I even say? And how, with all the tears streaming down my face?
"I don't care about Blair.." I said. Probably not the best start, but I didn't have time to lay it lightly, I was gonna give it straight.
"..and I don't care if my brother is a moral mess, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like I did. It was the worst mistake I ever made, and I wish I could take it back....and I don't know your feelings, but I do know that you're the best relationship I've ever had...and I really fucked up...and.." the tears were pressing deep in my throat. "..and I need you Dallas....I've always needed you." It took only a split second for him to move through the front door way, in to my house and press his lips against mine so hard, that everything in me melted.
"You ever pull a stunt like that again and I'll kill ya, understand?" He said. A statement like this that imposed such violence on a young girl someone cared about would turn most people off, but I couldn't have asked for him to say anything better.
I kissed him again and again, making up for all the ones I had lost over the past week. After making it upstairs, into my bed, and sharing in the splendors of make up sex, I fell asleep in the arms longed for the entire time I was in Cali. This is home.
"It's just me." Adam said, pressing through the door.
I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Truth was, I'd rather die then re-face my old life here in Cali, it was like choosing to stay in a cage after your master unlocks the door and says you can come out. What was I doing here? I turned to Adam...
"How did you come out of all this kid?" I asked. He smiled and sat down next to me.
"You just needed me I guess." He said. I sat up and playfully punched him in the leg.
"I know you needed me too." I stuck my tongue out at him.
I spent enough time in my room to ensure there was a large enough time span since Jax had left. I put on my zebra striped, bandeau, mint colored bikini and joined the rest of the gang out in the pool. After about an hour of swimming, everyone was getting hungry and Daniella was starting to make dinner. I decided on a late night shooting pool, playing video games, and drinking fruity cocktails was the way to go. So I changed into my jeans and a black and white striped v neck, and let my wet hair hang loose around my shoulders, in order to make a quick trip to the store. Since it wasn't that far, I decided to walk, and figured it would help me blow off some steam. I had just made it out the gate of our neighborhood, and rounded the street corner across from the store, when two guys from between the buildings grabbed me. One had their hand over my mouth while the other one tried to contain my spastic limbs. A moment later I realized who it was that was carrying me, it was two guys from the Sons. We entered into some trees behind a park when they dropped me in the dirt. I know they didn't mean to, but because I was giving them a hard time in my defense to get away, they just let go and I fell. I stood up and cursed while brushing the dirt off my pants.
"After a year, this is the welcome I get?" I said looking at Phil and Tig. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Hey Rhy." A voice I could pull out of a room filled with people. I spun around.
"Are you shittin me Jax?" I yelled. "You have Tig and Filthy Phil here kidnap me and drag me here against my will, and all you say is 'hey'? What the fuck man?"
Honestly, it was probably the only way he could get me to talk to him, but he didn't have to cause me to almost piss myself in the process.
"Oh don't start Rhyan. You know you wouldn't have come if I asked." He shook his head.
"You could've at least tried." I said. I stood there for a silent moment, shuffling my feet with my arms folded.
"It's good to see you." He said, in that tone he reserved only for me. Jax is a badass, people didn't take him seriously or do what he wanted if he didn't use a thorough strong tone, but he soon learned that, that was no was to speak to a woman and I wasn't going to put up with being spoken to that way, so he quickly adjusted and developed a softer, more light voice that I only heard him use when speaking to me.
"I'm not here for a mushy reunion," I stated, "what do you want?"
"I'm going to put up with you acting this way, because..well I deserve it, but my mom doesn't...and I know she misses you. If theres only one person you decided to visit while you're here, it should be her."
He was right. I loved Gemma, she was the only mother figure I had. I knew that when she found out I had first left California, it was nothing short of a heart break for her, and knowing I was in town now and not stopping by for a visit would be like a slap in the face, and honestly I felt the yearning for a mother's love lately.
"Alright." I sighed. "But I expect a ride." I said.
Jax smirked. "gladly!"
And there I was, on the back of a motorcycle heading to the last place I ever imagined returning to. The moment I stepped foot on the compound, everything came rushing back, attempting to knock me on my feet. I grabbed Jax's arm to steady myself, and hoped he wouldn't take it as some romantic gesture, but I was willing to take that risk over knocking heads with the pavement. I entered the club house, hearing Jax speed off behind me. I guess he figured it'd be easier for me without the pressure of him being there.
"Well I'll be damned!" I heard that Irish accent ringing loud from the group of men sitting at one of the tables playing poker. Chibs rose to his feet, a cigarette hanging out his mouth. He was probably one of the few here that could get me to smile on any given day no matter what I was feeling.
"Hey Chibs. How's it going?" I said.
"Get your wee ass over here and give me a hug." He instantly had his arm around me, pulling me into a bear hug. "You have a run in with Jax yet?" he asked.
"Why else do you think I'd be standing here?" I teased.
"So that's where Tig and Filthy Phil ran off to huh?." He put the pieces together. "I got you something."
He ventured behind the bar and returned with a paper bag. He emptied it into my hand, exposing a small gold ring with a single white pearl with the band forming a butterfly on each side of it. The pear was a reference to what he used to call me. I remember the days when I'd come around here, my hair all pinned up, my makeup the best I could get it, back when Jax and I started dating. Chibs would call out, "Well look at that pearl." I guess it was a reference to something pure, something simple that still held and unrecognized amount of beauty.
"Happy Birthday!" He said.
I had been so caught up with everything going on lately, that I forgot my birthday was in two weeks.
"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked.
"I figured you couldn't leave me here forever." He responded.
I thanked him in the midst of another hug. Then remembered who I had come here to see in the first place.
"Do you know where Gemma is?"
"I believe she's in the office." Chibs instructed.
I gave a light tap on the door. "Come In." I heard a voice say from the other side.
I didn't even have time to breathe before she had her arms wrapped around me and nearly swinging me all over the room.
"All my babies are home at last!" She shouted, before sitting me back down and kissing me on the cheek.
"Don;t get too excited, I'm only here for the week." I said.
"That's enough for me." She said, sitting back down in the office chair.
I sat on the desk next to her.
"So how's my baby girl doing?" She patted my leg.
I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I've been better."
"Does this have anything to do with Jax?" she questioned.
"Not just him....by the way, do you know what your son did to me?" I explained in full exaggeration how Jax literally had me dragged here.
"Don't worry. I'll make him pay for it." she assured.
I half smiled, and Gemma gave me a look that meant she knew there was other stuff I was hiding.
"Okay okay." I said, giving in. "Well, aside from Owen's mischievous acts of crime, and spending spring break in the very place we went to Tulsa to escape..... I left the best thing to ever happen to me confused and brokenhearted standing in my drive way."
Gemma's eyes perked up. "A boy?" she said surprised. I knew that I was already nothing short of a daughter to her, but being with her son would officially make me family, and I know that's secretly what she had hoped for, but I also know she understands, and just wants me to be happy.
"What's this boy like?" she asked.
I began to describe Dallas to her.
"Well, he's the rebel of the group."
Gemma rolled her eyes, "Of course." then she nodded for me to continue.
Dallas Winston. Who was Dallas Winston to me?
"He rides a motorcycle, he's got the street smarts, and will kick your ass if you tell him what to do. Honestly, he scares the living hell outta some people. He likes to get wasted, and never turns down a good fight. He's cold, with a 'hard as nails' attitude that sometimes make me want to punch him. But...then he's not, he's warm, and light-hearted. He's un-tameable, but fragile, and he hates the world because all the world's ever shown him is hate, yet he's passionate, and under all that shallowness is a deep genuine character. He's charismatic, and is always the first person I notice when walking into a crowd of people, and he's not a charity case either, because I don't want to change him, he's perfect just the way he is...and I love that about him." I lost myself in my feelings, exposing the inner thoughts I wasn't even aware I had. And did I just use love and Dallas in the same sentence? Perhaps something only I was capable of doing.
"Honey, it sounds to me like you're crazy, madly in lo.." I cut her off.
"Don't say it." I said. She looked at me puzzled.
Like I had just explained to Gemma, Dallas hates the world. Why would I ever stand aside from that?
"He doesn't know how to love, Gemma..." I said.
She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes, "Then show him how."
I had just made my initial problem something differently entirely. Were hidden reasons why I didn't just prance into Tulsa and beg him to take me back? Reasons not yet known to myself?
"If there's anyone the kid can learn to love, Rhyan, it's you." she added. "I may live a life that's dangerous, wild, and edgy. I put up with the baddest of the bad, but if there's one thing I'm sure of....even the coldest heart can love."
I took a minute to get my feelings together. I collected myself, then said my goodbyes to everyone and assured them I'd be at the party the following night, and paced back home in a stance entirely different than the one I left the house in.
I opened the door to my room and flipped on the lights. Jax was sitting on my bed, staring at me. I jumped.
"Jesus Christ kid! Can't you learn to give a girl a warning?"
He just laughed. I was fed up with his surprise appearances. My emotions were running high this entire trip, and him popping in unannounced wasn't helping.
"Why are you in my room?" I just wanted to pass out.
"Cause, I want to talk to you." he said.
I sat down on the bed next to him. I remembered the many nights we spent in this bed, most of them naked. It made me uncomfortable, so I awkwardly switched my position.
"Rhyan, I know I handled things badly before you left, and I'm so sorry I reacted that way, especially after I saw what it did to you. But, this is my life, it's how I was raised. It's all I know. But, I swear if you give me a chance to work at it...to change my ways...I promise I.."
"No Jax." I said, cutting him off. The 'change my ways' part tuned me out. I was just telling his mom how I liked Dallas just the way he was, however messed that may be. I didn't want him to change, and he shouldn't have to.
"You're not even going to let me finish?" He sounded ticked off.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"I know those feeling can't all just be gone Rhy."
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me intensely. He was right, my feelings for him were not one hundred percent diminished, but my feelings for someone else were one hundred percent stronger. I really didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for what had to be at least five minutes, Jax's eyes never leaving me. Finally, I turned to say something, but when I did all I found were his lips pressed against mine. A second later I heard the door open, revealing Audrey standing in my door way witnessing what had just taken place. She awkwardly turned and left without saying a word.
"Please....just leave." I told him. And so he did, with nothing short of a pissed off look on his face.
The Son's Party was just as wild as the ones I could remember. There was alcohol, of course, everywhere, and half naked girls dancing around the smoke clouded room. I sat at the bar with Gemma and Clay, sipping on a beer. If it had been a year or two ago, I'd be out playing pool with the guys, or dancing to the music, or in the corner somewhere with Jax, back when everyone felt like family. But now, I felt like I was among strangers.....this wasn't home anymore. I noticed Jax hanging around Audrey, who was completely trashed, and the leading her in to a room. A little while later I head some commotion and ran in to see what the problem was. Audrey was puking her guts out on the floor. I immediately knew that Jax had given her something. I found myself screaming again, which I felt I was doing a lot lately. After Gemma ensured that Audrey was in no immediate harm, we hurried back to my house and got her in bed. I sat there a while, making sure she was okay, and figured it was best for her to just sleep it off.
Owen was out doing the legal stuff he came here to do, and it was pouring rain outside, so the gang and I spent the day watching movies and eating junk food. That evening I walked downstairs and came to a dead stop in the living room where I found Owen, Dawn, Gemma, Jax, Chibs, and Lillah.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I gestured to the trashy, dirty, twat dressed in what looked like rags.
"Excuse me?" She said, eyes ablaze.
"You heard exactly what I said Bitch." I answered.
"Do you wanna get cut?" she hissed.
"Try me!" I yelled.
I was so ready for this moment. Before moving to Tulsa, I wasn't terrible in a fight, I was swift, but I didn't use muscle, which doesn't really get you much of anywhere, But now, living on the North side of Tulsa, Lillah didn't stand a chance. I motioned to Dawn to back me up, little did I know I wouldn't need any. Lillah reared her elbow back fro a punch, but I caught her fist with one hand, grabbed her wrist with the other, and bashed her elbow in the glass coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. She cursed then came at me sending us toppling to the floor. She sat on top of me, getting a few punches in, but I grabbed her neck, pushing it to the floor and pinning her to the ground. I punched her a few times in the stomach with my free hand, until I felt her get a hold of my hand in her mouth and biting me. I socked her a good one in the mouth after that. I stood up, and Lillah followed with a slap to my face.
"Oh, I didn't know you were a cheer leader?" I teased.
I pinned her against the wall, my knee in her stomach, and my arm under her chin.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you." She threatened.
In an attempt to pull her away from the wall, she managed to pull out a knife, slightly cutting my abdomen. I grabbed her wrist, twisting it till I heard a snap. She screamed in pain. I picked up the knife and held it firmly, but loose in my hand.
"This is how you hold a knife dip shit." I informed. She came at me again, expecting me to try and slice her open, but instead I head butted her in the nose, sending drops of red dripping on the carpet. I pinned her to the wall again, my hand clasped on her throat and the knife resting above it, barely piercing the first layer of skin.
"If you ever fucking see you again, I won't hesitate to slide this knife right through your tiny cold heart...got it? I pulled her head back and bashed it against the wall. I stepped again, Lillah crumpling at my feet. I turned to see everyone staring in awe.
"Were on earth lassy did you learn to do that?" Chibs asked.
I wiped my bleeding lip on the back of my arm. "I'm a greaser!" I said, spitting on Lillah's unconscious heap.
I went upstairs and into the bathroom to address my wounds, and afterwards found myself in my bed, hot tears streaming down my face. This week was an overload of emotions that were slowly tearing me down piece by piece until I had finally resulted into this broken mess of anxiety. Someone came in the room, it was too dark for me to see who at first. In this moment, even Dallas couldn't comfort me. There was only one person I wanted right now. He crawled into bed next to me, pulling my face to his chest and stroking my hair.
"I know we came here to take care of some stuff, and attempt to provide our friends with a fun filled getaway, but please, can we just go home?" I pleaded. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of California, to go back to Tulsa where I belonged.
"Okay Rhyan." Owen said, kissing the top of my head. "Okay."
Four hours later, I was lying in my bed in Tulsa, with tears still in my eyes. It was three in the morning, but I couldn't manage any sleep. I flipped through the contacts on my phone and dialed the one I wanted.
"Hello?" he said, sounding surprisingly sober. His voice instantly warmed me.
"Dallas.......I need you!" Was all I said, and it was the biggest truth I ever told.
"Where are you?" He asked.
It took all about ten minutes till I heard the motorcycle pull up in the driveway. I opened the door, and found Dallas, confused, standing before me. I couldn't move myself to words at first, what do I even say? And how, with all the tears streaming down my face?
"I don't care about Blair.." I said. Probably not the best start, but I didn't have time to lay it lightly, I was gonna give it straight.
"..and I don't care if my brother is a moral mess, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like I did. It was the worst mistake I ever made, and I wish I could take it back....and I don't know your feelings, but I do know that you're the best relationship I've ever had...and I really fucked up...and.." the tears were pressing deep in my throat. "..and I need you Dallas....I've always needed you." It took only a split second for him to move through the front door way, in to my house and press his lips against mine so hard, that everything in me melted.
"You ever pull a stunt like that again and I'll kill ya, understand?" He said. A statement like this that imposed such violence on a young girl someone cared about would turn most people off, but I couldn't have asked for him to say anything better.
I kissed him again and again, making up for all the ones I had lost over the past week. After making it upstairs, into my bed, and sharing in the splendors of make up sex, I fell asleep in the arms longed for the entire time I was in Cali. This is home.
Monday, March 25, 2013
My Past Catching Up With Me
California was probably the last place I had planned on spending my spring break. Owen was in trouble and we had to deal with his issues through our family's lawyer. Some of the gang decided to make it a vacation and tag along when they heard we would have our own private jet. A flight with Bre and Dawn squealing over the thoughts of all they'd get to do in California and two hours later I found myself staring at the very thing I left Cali to escape from...my past. I wanted to make this trip as discrete as possible. In and out without encountering people that I did not want to see, therefore I had planned on locking myself up in my room and never leave the house, I hadn't even told Adam that I was coming. As far as anyone knew, Rhyan Thatcher was no where near California.
"Holy Shit!" TwoBit said after getting off the jet, standing before the mansion in front of him, "Why the hell would you wanna leave this?"
It may look like a big house, but it was the smallest containment that I had ever been trapped in. The door opened, exposing the tall, thin, Hispanic woman I loved since the day I was born, Daniella, our house keeper. She ran towards us with her arms open and squealing. I couldn't help but smile.
"Hi Daniella!" I said while she wrapped her arms around me and smothered me into her chest.
I thought I was going to have to ask TwoBit or Hunter to pry her off me until she let go because she saw Owen getting off the jet. She kissed him on each cheek. She always treated Owen as her golden boy, though I'd have to say he was far from golden. I introduced her to everyone who tagged along and she went on her rant about whatever they wanted to eat or whenever or if they needed laundry done or fresh towels yada yada.... she was always too nice for her own good, that often had me wondering why she would want to work for a person like my father, but slowly I came to realize it was because of Owen and I.
After showing everyone around and settling them into their rooms, I crashed onto my bed, wishing I was anywhere but here. I didn't miss this room at all, it was always too much for my taste. The rich purple walls, the expensive furniture, the giant closet filled with clothes I didn't even wear. I liked my house in Tulsa better, it was much simpler.
"Damn girl!" I glanced over to find Dawn, Bre, and Audrey standing in my doorway, their eyes studying every angle of the room.
"Is this your closet?" Dawn said pointing to the double doors on the far wall.
"Yeah, you can open it if you want." I said.
She pulled both the doors open and simultaneously all three girls' mouths dropped.
"Dude! You have a better closet than Paris Hilton!" Bre commented.
The closet contained a glass table which always held fresh flowers that sat underneath a glittering chandelier and was lined top to bottom with various kinds of clothing, shoes, jewelry, and accessories.
"Most of it's just stuff my dad brings back from his out-of-town trips." I said.
That was always his way of trying to buy our affection, cool things from other cities or countries, it was never my taste though.
"If you see anything you like you can have it." I said. They all turned and glared at me. "No, seriously, I don't wear any of it."
It was if I had just handed a shopaholic and million dollars to spend on a whole new wardrobe. They went crazy sifting through dresses, shirts, necklaces, shoes, purses....like they've never seen them before. It didn't take long for the closet to become nearly empty.
Everyone gathered in the dining room for dinner. I didn't feel very hungry, so I decided to text Adam, letting him know that I was in town. It only took twenty minutes for the kid to climb the lattice outside my window and appear in my room, like he used to do countless times. My eyes got big and my mouth drooped open.
"What?" he said, giving me a funny look.
"Where did this come from?" I raised his shirt, exposing his ripped torso. "You have a six pack?" I squeezed the top of his arm, "damn kid."
He laughed. "Yeah, I figured after that encounter with Jax, I might as well work on it and give myself a fighting chance."
I twitched at the mention of Jax. He for sure, was someone I was hoping to avoid on this trip.
"I missed you kid." I said, squeezing Adam into a tight hug.
I really did miss him, more than I missed anyone from Cali. Adam was always someone I could count on. If I texted him that I needed something he'd be there in an instant, bowing at my feet. He was like a brother to me, the bother I never had, the brother I needed. The kind of brother Owen used to be.
"I missed you too Ret." He said, calling me by the nickname he gave me when we first me. R.E.T Rhyan Elizabeth Thatcher.
After a moment he stepped back, then plopped down onto my bed.
"So, tell me about this Dallas kid who you've been texting me about for the past year." He said.
The last image I had of Dallas was three days ago, when I left him hurt and confused standing in my driveway at 3 AM.
I sighed. "I don't want to talk about Dallas." I sat down on the bed next to him. He looked over at me.
"Yes you do. You always want to talk about Dallas, good or bad." The only thing I couldn't stand about Adam, was that he knew me all too well. He could read me better than I could read myself.
"I can't." Tears invaded my eyes, "I didn't wanna leave him there, if anything I just wanted to crawl back in bed with him and pretend I didn't get that phone call....I wanted to do anything besides hurt him like that, you should've seen his face Adam.....I've dumped a few guys in my time, but none of them have ever haunted me like that..." The tears started to fall.
"If you didn't want to, then why did you?" He asked.
"Because! Cause Owen was in trouble, and injured, and I had to.." he cut me off.
"You had to drop everything and run to his aid like you always do?" He said, and I have to admit, his words kinda hurt.
"If I don't then who will?" I shouted. "Do you know how many times he could have died if I hadn't of been there? How many times I had to bail him out of something?.....if he died like that, it would.."
"It wouldn't be your fault Rhyan.....you're not responsible for him. He's never going to learn if you keep treating him like an innocent and not let him take care of himself. You can't build your life around that, or you're never gonna have the life you want to have...the life I want you to have, the life Owen wants you to have." He put a hand behind my neck, pulling my face closer to his. "You need to do what's best for you, and when it comes to Owen, you just gotta pray that someday he'll wake up, and realize that you both deserve better."
I couldn't argue with that. Adam was right, it was time to flip the switch, to think about myself before my brother for a change, to start living the life that I want, the life I left California for.
That night I lay pondering. Adam asleep in my bed next to me, just like old times. He was the only thing I regretted leaving for. I begged him to come with me, but unlike me he actually had a decent family and couldn't just pick up and leave...especially with his mom being sick.
He rolled over and threw his arm around me. Things had never been romantic with Adam. I never saw him as more than a best friend, a very close best friend, a brother....but it wasn't his arms that I wished so badly for. Only one person in the entire world could comfort me right now, and I left that person in Tulsa.
I awoke the next morning to the smell of Daniella's cooking, and Adam shaking me awake.
"Rhyan, breakfast is ready come eat." He said.
I glanced at the clock. It was ten, which meant it was noon in Tulsa.
"I'll be down in a sec, I need to make a phone call first." I said crawling out of bed in search for my phone.
I couldn't talk to Dallas, as much as I wanted to, something like that needed to be done in person. So I called the person I felt was closest to him.
"Hello?" her voice rang awake and wild.
"Hey Jelly, are you busy?" I asked.
"Not at all. What's up?" she answered.
I sighed. "How Dallas doing?"
"Well, he's in pretty rough shape." She sighed, "I've never seen him like this before."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He's not himself Rhy, something's off. If I had to guess, it's like a piece of him is missing." she said.
My heart ached. "Jelly....I need him back."
"I don't know how to tell you this..but, uh...he's kinda fallen back into his old habits.."
I could tell she was hinting at something specific, after all we were talking about Dallas Winston.
"How so?" I pressed further.
"Rhyan.....he slept with Blair."
Her words hit me, slapped me in the face actually.
"...oh....well, umm...thanks Jelly..I have to go." I think she said sorry but I was in such a hurry to end the call I didn't hear it very well.
What had I expected? Its what Dallas Winston did, he picked up broads, got wasted, and had one night stands..all the time. Why was this any different? Because it wasn't someone random...it was someone I knew. Was it pay back? or a rebound? Had he moved on? I guess I wasn't going to find out till we flew home Friday evening. So I wiped away my tears and I held it together, because I didn't want anyone to see the battle I was fighting in order to keep my heart in one piece.
After breakfast, everyone decided to go swimming, but I snuck back up to my room instead, to wallow in my own self pity. Until Dawn found me, and forced me to spill my worries upon her.
"Blair?" She almost screamed.
"Shhh! Not everyone needs to know." I said.
"Sorry...I just can't believe...Blair...of all people." She said confused.
I just sat there, my head hanging. Dawn was probably the one I was closest to, aside from Audrey, who I was too upset with to talk to right now.
"You really liked him, didn't you Rhy......like, LIKED him." She added emphasis on the 'like'.
"Yeah.....well, I guess that's all in the past now."
"What? That's it? I expected more from Rhyan Thatcher!" She said.
"We won't be home for five days, what am I supposed to do?" I asked.
"Girl, you take that time, get your feeling straight, and if those feelings are as strong as I think they are, you fight for it.....the best things won are fought for."
A knock at the door interrupted us.
"Rhyan, come swimming...please?" Adam gave me that look, the look he knew I couldn't resist.
I nodded to Dawn. "Alright!" I said, as an answer to both of them.
We walked down the hall and started down the stairs when I noticed Owen was talking to someone in the entry way, and once I noticed who that someone was...my stomach dropped and I froze, struggling to find oxygen. Adam had yet to notice what I just had.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Why the hell is Jax Teller standing in my entry hall?"
"Holy Shit!" TwoBit said after getting off the jet, standing before the mansion in front of him, "Why the hell would you wanna leave this?"
It may look like a big house, but it was the smallest containment that I had ever been trapped in. The door opened, exposing the tall, thin, Hispanic woman I loved since the day I was born, Daniella, our house keeper. She ran towards us with her arms open and squealing. I couldn't help but smile.
"Hi Daniella!" I said while she wrapped her arms around me and smothered me into her chest.
I thought I was going to have to ask TwoBit or Hunter to pry her off me until she let go because she saw Owen getting off the jet. She kissed him on each cheek. She always treated Owen as her golden boy, though I'd have to say he was far from golden. I introduced her to everyone who tagged along and she went on her rant about whatever they wanted to eat or whenever or if they needed laundry done or fresh towels yada yada.... she was always too nice for her own good, that often had me wondering why she would want to work for a person like my father, but slowly I came to realize it was because of Owen and I.
After showing everyone around and settling them into their rooms, I crashed onto my bed, wishing I was anywhere but here. I didn't miss this room at all, it was always too much for my taste. The rich purple walls, the expensive furniture, the giant closet filled with clothes I didn't even wear. I liked my house in Tulsa better, it was much simpler.
"Damn girl!" I glanced over to find Dawn, Bre, and Audrey standing in my doorway, their eyes studying every angle of the room.
"Is this your closet?" Dawn said pointing to the double doors on the far wall.
"Yeah, you can open it if you want." I said.
She pulled both the doors open and simultaneously all three girls' mouths dropped.
"Dude! You have a better closet than Paris Hilton!" Bre commented.
The closet contained a glass table which always held fresh flowers that sat underneath a glittering chandelier and was lined top to bottom with various kinds of clothing, shoes, jewelry, and accessories.
"Most of it's just stuff my dad brings back from his out-of-town trips." I said.
That was always his way of trying to buy our affection, cool things from other cities or countries, it was never my taste though.
"If you see anything you like you can have it." I said. They all turned and glared at me. "No, seriously, I don't wear any of it."
It was if I had just handed a shopaholic and million dollars to spend on a whole new wardrobe. They went crazy sifting through dresses, shirts, necklaces, shoes, purses....like they've never seen them before. It didn't take long for the closet to become nearly empty.
Everyone gathered in the dining room for dinner. I didn't feel very hungry, so I decided to text Adam, letting him know that I was in town. It only took twenty minutes for the kid to climb the lattice outside my window and appear in my room, like he used to do countless times. My eyes got big and my mouth drooped open.
 |
| Adam |
"What?" he said, giving me a funny look.
"Where did this come from?" I raised his shirt, exposing his ripped torso. "You have a six pack?" I squeezed the top of his arm, "damn kid."
He laughed. "Yeah, I figured after that encounter with Jax, I might as well work on it and give myself a fighting chance."
I twitched at the mention of Jax. He for sure, was someone I was hoping to avoid on this trip.
"I missed you kid." I said, squeezing Adam into a tight hug.
I really did miss him, more than I missed anyone from Cali. Adam was always someone I could count on. If I texted him that I needed something he'd be there in an instant, bowing at my feet. He was like a brother to me, the bother I never had, the brother I needed. The kind of brother Owen used to be.
"I missed you too Ret." He said, calling me by the nickname he gave me when we first me. R.E.T Rhyan Elizabeth Thatcher.
After a moment he stepped back, then plopped down onto my bed.
"So, tell me about this Dallas kid who you've been texting me about for the past year." He said.
The last image I had of Dallas was three days ago, when I left him hurt and confused standing in my driveway at 3 AM.
I sighed. "I don't want to talk about Dallas." I sat down on the bed next to him. He looked over at me.
"Yes you do. You always want to talk about Dallas, good or bad." The only thing I couldn't stand about Adam, was that he knew me all too well. He could read me better than I could read myself.
"I can't." Tears invaded my eyes, "I didn't wanna leave him there, if anything I just wanted to crawl back in bed with him and pretend I didn't get that phone call....I wanted to do anything besides hurt him like that, you should've seen his face Adam.....I've dumped a few guys in my time, but none of them have ever haunted me like that..." The tears started to fall.
"If you didn't want to, then why did you?" He asked.
"Because! Cause Owen was in trouble, and injured, and I had to.." he cut me off.
"You had to drop everything and run to his aid like you always do?" He said, and I have to admit, his words kinda hurt.
"If I don't then who will?" I shouted. "Do you know how many times he could have died if I hadn't of been there? How many times I had to bail him out of something?.....if he died like that, it would.."
"It wouldn't be your fault Rhyan.....you're not responsible for him. He's never going to learn if you keep treating him like an innocent and not let him take care of himself. You can't build your life around that, or you're never gonna have the life you want to have...the life I want you to have, the life Owen wants you to have." He put a hand behind my neck, pulling my face closer to his. "You need to do what's best for you, and when it comes to Owen, you just gotta pray that someday he'll wake up, and realize that you both deserve better."
I couldn't argue with that. Adam was right, it was time to flip the switch, to think about myself before my brother for a change, to start living the life that I want, the life I left California for.
That night I lay pondering. Adam asleep in my bed next to me, just like old times. He was the only thing I regretted leaving for. I begged him to come with me, but unlike me he actually had a decent family and couldn't just pick up and leave...especially with his mom being sick.
He rolled over and threw his arm around me. Things had never been romantic with Adam. I never saw him as more than a best friend, a very close best friend, a brother....but it wasn't his arms that I wished so badly for. Only one person in the entire world could comfort me right now, and I left that person in Tulsa.
I awoke the next morning to the smell of Daniella's cooking, and Adam shaking me awake.
"Rhyan, breakfast is ready come eat." He said.
I glanced at the clock. It was ten, which meant it was noon in Tulsa.
"I'll be down in a sec, I need to make a phone call first." I said crawling out of bed in search for my phone.
I couldn't talk to Dallas, as much as I wanted to, something like that needed to be done in person. So I called the person I felt was closest to him.
"Hello?" her voice rang awake and wild.
"Hey Jelly, are you busy?" I asked.
"Not at all. What's up?" she answered.
I sighed. "How Dallas doing?"
"Well, he's in pretty rough shape." She sighed, "I've never seen him like this before."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He's not himself Rhy, something's off. If I had to guess, it's like a piece of him is missing." she said.
My heart ached. "Jelly....I need him back."
"I don't know how to tell you this..but, uh...he's kinda fallen back into his old habits.."
I could tell she was hinting at something specific, after all we were talking about Dallas Winston.
"How so?" I pressed further.
"Rhyan.....he slept with Blair."
Her words hit me, slapped me in the face actually.
"...oh....well, umm...thanks Jelly..I have to go." I think she said sorry but I was in such a hurry to end the call I didn't hear it very well.
What had I expected? Its what Dallas Winston did, he picked up broads, got wasted, and had one night stands..all the time. Why was this any different? Because it wasn't someone random...it was someone I knew. Was it pay back? or a rebound? Had he moved on? I guess I wasn't going to find out till we flew home Friday evening. So I wiped away my tears and I held it together, because I didn't want anyone to see the battle I was fighting in order to keep my heart in one piece.
After breakfast, everyone decided to go swimming, but I snuck back up to my room instead, to wallow in my own self pity. Until Dawn found me, and forced me to spill my worries upon her.
"Blair?" She almost screamed.
"Shhh! Not everyone needs to know." I said.
"Sorry...I just can't believe...Blair...of all people." She said confused.
I just sat there, my head hanging. Dawn was probably the one I was closest to, aside from Audrey, who I was too upset with to talk to right now.
"You really liked him, didn't you Rhy......like, LIKED him." She added emphasis on the 'like'.
"Yeah.....well, I guess that's all in the past now."
"What? That's it? I expected more from Rhyan Thatcher!" She said.
"We won't be home for five days, what am I supposed to do?" I asked.
"Girl, you take that time, get your feeling straight, and if those feelings are as strong as I think they are, you fight for it.....the best things won are fought for."
A knock at the door interrupted us.
"Rhyan, come swimming...please?" Adam gave me that look, the look he knew I couldn't resist.
I nodded to Dawn. "Alright!" I said, as an answer to both of them.
We walked down the hall and started down the stairs when I noticed Owen was talking to someone in the entry way, and once I noticed who that someone was...my stomach dropped and I froze, struggling to find oxygen. Adam had yet to notice what I just had.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Why the hell is Jax Teller standing in my entry hall?"
Sunday, March 10, 2013
You Can't Serve Two Masters...Unfortunately
The past two weeks were the best two weeks that I've had in a long time. His smile, his scent, the look in his eye...consumed me. Someone wasn't just dating me because of my social status, or my father's wealth, or because they just wanted sex from me....no, this was different, this made me happy, something I had not truly felt since my mom was alive. I didn't think about Owen at all for two weeks...from the moment I woke up till the moment I fell asleep, the only person on my mind was Dallas. We had the place to ourselves of course, and we took advantage of it. Yeah there was sex...a lot of sex, but it wasn't just about that, for the first time in a very long time I did what I wanted to...I didn't worry about anyone else but myself, I didn't slave over my phone calling and texting my brother every five minutes until he answered, I didn't go to bed at night wondering if he'd be there when I woke up. Those chains had broken, and I felt more alive than ever. If I could live like this for the rest of my life, I would be more than okay with that...falling asleep in the arms I longed for since I moved to Tulsa, it was better than I had ever imagined it. During the day I had school, and Dallas...well he did whatever Dallas does, eventually it led to job hunting. I got home one afternoon before Dal had made it back so I decided to get my homework done. I finished faster than I had expected and decided to flip through the pages of a book and 'read'. Contemplate---- I was dating Dallas Winston, something I had so hoped for and also feared, and it was the best decision I had ever made, or really unintentionally made. I didn't think or worry about Owen, I enjoyed life and I embraced it fully. After contemplating life, I did something I had never done before, I actually read the book I held in my hands, because I didn't need daydreaming, life was finally better than my dreams.
"Whatcha readin?" I looked up to find those handsome brown eyes staring back at me.
I wasn't even sure. I flipped the book over, "'Pride & Prejudice' apparently." I said, tossing the book on the floor. "What do you wanna do for dinner?" I asked.
"Let's go out!" He said, with that smile I couldn't resist.
"Where?"
"You'll see....put on something nice okay?" He left to go back to his apartment to change and grab a few things.
I searched my closet, and it seemed that nothing on the hangers was good enough. I must have looked over everything a dozen times. And then I found it, hiding in the back of my closet. It was the dress my mom loved to see me in, it had always been her favorite, and sometimes I'd put it on just to see her happy. It was simple, but made such a statement with its pure white color, short and flow-y, with simple pleating at the top, that just came to the edge of my shoulders.
"Who woulda thought Dallas Winston cleans up nice?" I said, teasing.
"Yeah yeah." he said leading me into the quite fancy restaurant.
"How are you affording this?" I whispered.
"Don't worry about it." He said, sealing my lips with a soft kiss.
"Ya know, I have my dad's money," I said, flipping the credit card between my fingers, "Lord knows he won't miss it."
He laughed, "No, that's not how it's supposed to work."
After dinner we went back to my house and ended up drinking and dancing wildly through the house with the radio so loud I'm sure the neighbors were complaining. Dallas took a shower while I picked up the beer cans and bottles from the living room floor, then decided a hot shower sounded really nice, so I pulled the curtain back and snuck in behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder.
"Thanks for dinner." I said, "it was nice."
He turned and faced me, "Good." he replied "I wanted it to be."
After that we had a little rendezvous before falling asleep.
I awoke to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand beside my bed. It must have been going off a while, because it took more than once for that to wake me up. I blinked my eyes at the fuzzy numbers that read 3:27 A.M.
"Hello?" I said groggily.
"Rhyan!! I know where Owen is...he's in trouble!" Hunter's voice rang in my head as he explained the situation to me.
"I'll be there in five minutes." I said.
I suddenly was fully awake and rummaging through my drawers for a pair of jeans and a hoodie.
"What are you doing?" Dallas sleepily rubbed his eyes and fidgeted with the lamp until it flickered on.
"Hunter just called me...Owen's in trouble." I said while tying my shoelaces.
"I'll come with you." In an instant he was out of bed and starting to put his jeans on.
"No! I need to do this alone." I grabbed my keys and my phone and headed downstairs.
"Baby just let me come with you." He was right behind me.
I was already out the front door and opening the door to my car, "No Dal, I just need to do this by myself, Owen needs me right now." I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I was scared and in a hurry.
"What the hell am I supposed to do then?" He said.
The words left my mouth before I even processed them through my brain. "Dal I can't do this right now, I don't have time for you and Owen, and he needs me, its never been this bad before." I informed.
"What are you saying?" His attitude shifted.
I was starting to yell, "I'm saying I can't be with you and take care of my brother at the same time, I don't have that kind of energy. Owen needs me right now."
"What if I need you?" he said.
Then it processed, everything I had just said....was I really about the end the best thing that had ever happened to me?
"Owens my brother Dal.." I argued.
"Yeah well hes never gonna learn if you keep bowing at his feet Rhy." He shouted.
I shook my head. "I have to go!" I climbed into my car and edged out of the driveway. He was shouting so loud I could hear through the windows.
"Ya know, you should really try letting someone take care of you for a change."
I looked at his face just before speeding off. I hated that look, and I knew as soon as I saw it what I had done, I had hurt him. And he was right...what was I doing? My greatest want..no, my greatest need had always been for someone to take care of me for a change....and I just left it standing in my drive way. Once again I could see the shackles wrapping around my wrists pulling me back into the shadows of my master....Owen.
"Whatcha readin?" I looked up to find those handsome brown eyes staring back at me.
I wasn't even sure. I flipped the book over, "'Pride & Prejudice' apparently." I said, tossing the book on the floor. "What do you wanna do for dinner?" I asked.
"Let's go out!" He said, with that smile I couldn't resist.
"Where?"
"You'll see....put on something nice okay?" He left to go back to his apartment to change and grab a few things.
I searched my closet, and it seemed that nothing on the hangers was good enough. I must have looked over everything a dozen times. And then I found it, hiding in the back of my closet. It was the dress my mom loved to see me in, it had always been her favorite, and sometimes I'd put it on just to see her happy. It was simple, but made such a statement with its pure white color, short and flow-y, with simple pleating at the top, that just came to the edge of my shoulders.
"Who woulda thought Dallas Winston cleans up nice?" I said, teasing.
"Yeah yeah." he said leading me into the quite fancy restaurant.
"How are you affording this?" I whispered.
"Don't worry about it." He said, sealing my lips with a soft kiss.
"Ya know, I have my dad's money," I said, flipping the credit card between my fingers, "Lord knows he won't miss it."
He laughed, "No, that's not how it's supposed to work."
After dinner we went back to my house and ended up drinking and dancing wildly through the house with the radio so loud I'm sure the neighbors were complaining. Dallas took a shower while I picked up the beer cans and bottles from the living room floor, then decided a hot shower sounded really nice, so I pulled the curtain back and snuck in behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder.
"Thanks for dinner." I said, "it was nice."
He turned and faced me, "Good." he replied "I wanted it to be."
After that we had a little rendezvous before falling asleep.
I awoke to the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand beside my bed. It must have been going off a while, because it took more than once for that to wake me up. I blinked my eyes at the fuzzy numbers that read 3:27 A.M.
"Hello?" I said groggily.
"Rhyan!! I know where Owen is...he's in trouble!" Hunter's voice rang in my head as he explained the situation to me.
"I'll be there in five minutes." I said.
I suddenly was fully awake and rummaging through my drawers for a pair of jeans and a hoodie.
"What are you doing?" Dallas sleepily rubbed his eyes and fidgeted with the lamp until it flickered on.
"Hunter just called me...Owen's in trouble." I said while tying my shoelaces.
"I'll come with you." In an instant he was out of bed and starting to put his jeans on.
"No! I need to do this alone." I grabbed my keys and my phone and headed downstairs.
"Baby just let me come with you." He was right behind me.
I was already out the front door and opening the door to my car, "No Dal, I just need to do this by myself, Owen needs me right now." I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I was scared and in a hurry.
"What the hell am I supposed to do then?" He said.
The words left my mouth before I even processed them through my brain. "Dal I can't do this right now, I don't have time for you and Owen, and he needs me, its never been this bad before." I informed.
"What are you saying?" His attitude shifted.
I was starting to yell, "I'm saying I can't be with you and take care of my brother at the same time, I don't have that kind of energy. Owen needs me right now."
"What if I need you?" he said.
Then it processed, everything I had just said....was I really about the end the best thing that had ever happened to me?
"Owens my brother Dal.." I argued.
"Yeah well hes never gonna learn if you keep bowing at his feet Rhy." He shouted.
I shook my head. "I have to go!" I climbed into my car and edged out of the driveway. He was shouting so loud I could hear through the windows.
"Ya know, you should really try letting someone take care of you for a change."
I looked at his face just before speeding off. I hated that look, and I knew as soon as I saw it what I had done, I had hurt him. And he was right...what was I doing? My greatest want..no, my greatest need had always been for someone to take care of me for a change....and I just left it standing in my drive way. Once again I could see the shackles wrapping around my wrists pulling me back into the shadows of my master....Owen.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Oh.My.God.
I paced the house frantically. I had to have checked every corner and crevice at least a dozen times by now. I've awoken before to find Owen passed out in the bathtub, the empty hot tub out back, the garage, in his closet....so I wouldn't put it past him to have crawled into some new spot when his body finally gave out. But I literally searched everywhere this time and he hadn't been home in three days, not to mention I found Audrey's head band on the floor of his room. Last I heard from him was yesterday morning when he was at some motel in Bixby. Owen didn't stay in motels, they were too cheap, he spends as much of our father's money as he can, the only reason he goes to motels is for dealing, and he's never been gone this long before. I called both of their phones about every ten seconds... straight to voice mail,dead. By this point I started to hyper-ventilate....maybe I'm just over reacting...but what if I'm not? I needed to call someone..I needed to call someone before I went insane and did something really crazy. The first name in my recent call list was Kitty.
"Hello?"
"Kitty!!! I need you to help me, I don't know where Owen is." I was nearly shouting.
"Did you check all the cupboards?" Kitty asked jokingly.
"No, Kit..." I felt hot tears spilling from my eyes, "I really can't find him...he hasn't been home since Wednesday, and no one knows where Audrey is either."
"Oh...ok I'm coming over." and she hung up.
"Rhyan, you gotta calm down honey....you're fogging up my windows." Kitty said, as we drove to the motel in Bixby where I last heard from Owen.
"You don't think he'd hurt her would you?" she asked.
"No...Owen wouldn't do that." I said, staring down at the floorboard.
"Man, I hope it snows." Kit said peering through the window up at the clouds.
I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, but it really wasn't helping. I needed Owen. I need him like I need air, and I don't think he realizes that. He's all I have left, besides a father that doesn't care if I'm dead or alive...the only way he knows is by the purchases on his credit cards. Owen looks so much like my mother, that dark hair...and his soft brown eyes, but he acts just like my dad..you think that would make me hate him, but as awful and stupid and careless as Owen may be...he was still my brother, and I still had hope for him.
"No.. they checked out a couple of hours later." The sassy, young blonde from behind the check-in counter said.
"Did they say where they were going?" I asked very forwardly.
"How many times do I have to tell you....NO." she returned to blowing her bubble gum and painting her fake fingernails.
"C'mon Rhy, we can get Hunter to trace his credit card...see where he last used it." Kitty started to pull me out the door, and since I was having no luck with the uptight snooty ho behind the counter, I decided to follow her, but just before stepping out the door I turned around,
"Your nose job sucks ass by the way." I said.
"Excuse me?" She gave me a dirty look and almost spilled nail polish all over her precious dollar store clothing.
"You heard me bitch!" Then I followed Kitty out the door.
"Picking fights with tramp-y blondes isn't gonna help us ya know!" Kit stated.
"Since when were you one to complain about picking a fight Kitty?" she thought for a minute.
"Good point!"
Hunter was skilled at computer hacking, so the gang went to him when we needed to do some dirty work..or in this case, some CSI work.
"I can't trace it....it was apparently cut-off because it was reported stolen." he said.
My heart sank..."Dammit!" I cursed. Then I started crying again, "and we can't call the cops...and no one has any fucking idea where they are..." I was shouting.
"I'm really sorry....maybe you should go home Rhy, take a hot bath, get some food..and sleep ..". Kitty laid her hand on my shoulder.
"NO! I don't want to fucking go home! My brother just kidnapped my best friend and no one knows where the hell they are!" I screamed and slammed the door on my way out.
I was angry, pissed, upset, confused, lost...I went to the only place I could think of...
I found myself sitting on the dock overlooking the lake that sat out past the train tracks. Some of the gang would come here when they needed to get away...or sometimes we'd all go swimming. I simply didn't want to go home...to sit in my house alone and ponder is Audrey was okay, or how I wish my brother would just sometimes grow-up. I heard a noise behind me, thinking one of the gang found me in my depressing hot-mess stupor, I spun around to find no one. Deciding it was probably a squirrel, I turned my gaze back to the water which now had sparkling snowflakes dancing on top of it. I shivered, just realizing how cold it was and glanced at my phone that said the temperature was quickly reaching thirty degrees. I was trailing my fingers through the snowflakes on the dock when I felt something jerk me to my feet. I was spun around to become face-to-face with Randy. I shoved him off me.
"What do you want Adderson?' I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"Oh, you know Rhyan....we were bored and just huntin for some action." he answered.
"Well I'm not really in the mood to provide any action so why don't you just fuck off."
"Oh...well that's okay...we can provide all the action little greaser." He grabbed my wrist and twisted it in a direction that it was not made to be twisted, forcing me to my knees...I reached up with my free hand and punched him in the junk.....he didn't like that too well.
One of the other guys came at me, pinning my hands to my sides while another socked me one good on my left cheekbone...this sent me flying backwards off the dock and into the ice cold water below. I was half-conscious and floating along the top of the water that was just starting to coat over with ice, when I heard a car pull up. There were sounds of a fight, the flipping of a switch blade, and then someone else jumped in the water.
I was wrapped in a jacket and was being carried by someone, but I was too cold to move to find out who. In an instant I was lying on a couch and the fireplace was going. Someone was removing the wet strands of hair that clung to my face and whispering my name...telling me to wake up.
"Owen?" I asked, blinking the water out of my eyes.
"No..." they answered.
I looked up to find Dallas Winston leaning over me.
"Dal?" I was confused. "How did you.."
"You were lucky kid....I was just coming by for a smoke...maybe a drink.." He pulled a bottle of beer from his jacket pocket, which laid over the back of the couch to dry, where I also noticed my jacket and a white t-shirt...
It took me a moment to realize that he had his arms around me, and I was pressed up against his bare chest under a blanket. I almost started hyperventilating, for the second time today, but this time for a different reason.
"Thanks for saving me..." I said and pressed my cheek against his chest because it ached and his cold skin soothed it.
"Well duh." He smiled. Oh how I love that half smile.. "you're in the gang...we got you covered."
We just sat there for a moment..when I also realized that he didn't bother to turn any lights on.
"Rhyan..can I ask you something?" He said unexpectedly.
I was caught off guard, and shook a nervous "sure" between my lips.
"How come you ignore me? You don't ignore any of the other guys in the gang? Are you afraid of me or sumptin?"
What would happen if he knew the truth? Would be like those guys in California? The assholes?
"What do you mean?" I played it off.
"Well like...the other girls like to goof around ya know...and at parties, I've asked if you wanted to dance plenty of times and you always said no, but later you'd be dancing with Pony or TwoBit or someone else...Do you just not like me?" He was really searching for an answer here....buy why did it matter so much to him?
"No Dal.......honestly....I'm crazy about you." You know that moment right after you say something that could completely change the atmosphere....that could change your life, and you hold your breath and don't move until someone else responds? Well this would be one of those moments.
"Then why avoid me?" he looked puzzled.
I took a deep breath... "Because I'm tired of dating jerks..and I'm tired of just being used, and of trying to be perfect and I need someone who will..." something stopped my rambling....it wasn't another mention of words..or the tears I was holding back...it was lips...a kiss, a very passionate kiss that led to even more kissing. What was I getting myself into? Just another relationship full of broken promises? I was well on my way to finding out.
I straddled him on the couch and realized I was only wearing underwear and my sweater, my wet jeans had been earlier removed. He stood up and I wrapped my legs around him as we moved through the house and into my room. The remaining clothes were gone in seconds, and there was definitely no coldness left in my body. His skin became instantly warm against mine adding friction between us. I couldn't stop it now, even if I had wanted to...what I had wanted for over a year...was it really happening? Or was I in some stage of delusional hypothermia? My heart raced, and I loved the way his hands explored my skin, the way his body felt against mine. Something about it just felt.....right. It felt real...and for now, that's all that mattered. In that moment, his touch, his kiss, his breath on my skin, our hips moving against each other... was all I wanted.
I awoke to the sun peering in through my window, warming my skin....my..bare skin? And then I felt the arms that were wrapped around me. I rolled over and found a sleepy, naked, Dallas in my bed.
Oh.My.God. I slept with Dallas Winston!
"Hello?"
"Kitty!!! I need you to help me, I don't know where Owen is." I was nearly shouting.
"Did you check all the cupboards?" Kitty asked jokingly.
"No, Kit..." I felt hot tears spilling from my eyes, "I really can't find him...he hasn't been home since Wednesday, and no one knows where Audrey is either."
"Oh...ok I'm coming over." and she hung up.
"Rhyan, you gotta calm down honey....you're fogging up my windows." Kitty said, as we drove to the motel in Bixby where I last heard from Owen.
"You don't think he'd hurt her would you?" she asked.
"No...Owen wouldn't do that." I said, staring down at the floorboard.
"Man, I hope it snows." Kit said peering through the window up at the clouds.
I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, but it really wasn't helping. I needed Owen. I need him like I need air, and I don't think he realizes that. He's all I have left, besides a father that doesn't care if I'm dead or alive...the only way he knows is by the purchases on his credit cards. Owen looks so much like my mother, that dark hair...and his soft brown eyes, but he acts just like my dad..you think that would make me hate him, but as awful and stupid and careless as Owen may be...he was still my brother, and I still had hope for him.
"No.. they checked out a couple of hours later." The sassy, young blonde from behind the check-in counter said.
"Did they say where they were going?" I asked very forwardly.
"How many times do I have to tell you....NO." she returned to blowing her bubble gum and painting her fake fingernails.
"C'mon Rhy, we can get Hunter to trace his credit card...see where he last used it." Kitty started to pull me out the door, and since I was having no luck with the uptight snooty ho behind the counter, I decided to follow her, but just before stepping out the door I turned around,
"Your nose job sucks ass by the way." I said.
"Excuse me?" She gave me a dirty look and almost spilled nail polish all over her precious dollar store clothing.
"You heard me bitch!" Then I followed Kitty out the door.
"Picking fights with tramp-y blondes isn't gonna help us ya know!" Kit stated.
"Since when were you one to complain about picking a fight Kitty?" she thought for a minute.
"Good point!"
Hunter was skilled at computer hacking, so the gang went to him when we needed to do some dirty work..or in this case, some CSI work.
"I can't trace it....it was apparently cut-off because it was reported stolen." he said.
My heart sank..."Dammit!" I cursed. Then I started crying again, "and we can't call the cops...and no one has any fucking idea where they are..." I was shouting.
"I'm really sorry....maybe you should go home Rhy, take a hot bath, get some food..and sleep ..". Kitty laid her hand on my shoulder.
"NO! I don't want to fucking go home! My brother just kidnapped my best friend and no one knows where the hell they are!" I screamed and slammed the door on my way out.
I was angry, pissed, upset, confused, lost...I went to the only place I could think of...
I found myself sitting on the dock overlooking the lake that sat out past the train tracks. Some of the gang would come here when they needed to get away...or sometimes we'd all go swimming. I simply didn't want to go home...to sit in my house alone and ponder is Audrey was okay, or how I wish my brother would just sometimes grow-up. I heard a noise behind me, thinking one of the gang found me in my depressing hot-mess stupor, I spun around to find no one. Deciding it was probably a squirrel, I turned my gaze back to the water which now had sparkling snowflakes dancing on top of it. I shivered, just realizing how cold it was and glanced at my phone that said the temperature was quickly reaching thirty degrees. I was trailing my fingers through the snowflakes on the dock when I felt something jerk me to my feet. I was spun around to become face-to-face with Randy. I shoved him off me.
"What do you want Adderson?' I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"Oh, you know Rhyan....we were bored and just huntin for some action." he answered.
"Well I'm not really in the mood to provide any action so why don't you just fuck off."
"Oh...well that's okay...we can provide all the action little greaser." He grabbed my wrist and twisted it in a direction that it was not made to be twisted, forcing me to my knees...I reached up with my free hand and punched him in the junk.....he didn't like that too well.
One of the other guys came at me, pinning my hands to my sides while another socked me one good on my left cheekbone...this sent me flying backwards off the dock and into the ice cold water below. I was half-conscious and floating along the top of the water that was just starting to coat over with ice, when I heard a car pull up. There were sounds of a fight, the flipping of a switch blade, and then someone else jumped in the water.
I was wrapped in a jacket and was being carried by someone, but I was too cold to move to find out who. In an instant I was lying on a couch and the fireplace was going. Someone was removing the wet strands of hair that clung to my face and whispering my name...telling me to wake up.
"Owen?" I asked, blinking the water out of my eyes.
"No..." they answered.
I looked up to find Dallas Winston leaning over me.
"Dal?" I was confused. "How did you.."
"You were lucky kid....I was just coming by for a smoke...maybe a drink.." He pulled a bottle of beer from his jacket pocket, which laid over the back of the couch to dry, where I also noticed my jacket and a white t-shirt...
It took me a moment to realize that he had his arms around me, and I was pressed up against his bare chest under a blanket. I almost started hyperventilating, for the second time today, but this time for a different reason.
"Thanks for saving me..." I said and pressed my cheek against his chest because it ached and his cold skin soothed it.
"Well duh." He smiled. Oh how I love that half smile.. "you're in the gang...we got you covered."
We just sat there for a moment..when I also realized that he didn't bother to turn any lights on.
"Rhyan..can I ask you something?" He said unexpectedly.
I was caught off guard, and shook a nervous "sure" between my lips.
"How come you ignore me? You don't ignore any of the other guys in the gang? Are you afraid of me or sumptin?"
What would happen if he knew the truth? Would be like those guys in California? The assholes?
"What do you mean?" I played it off.
"Well like...the other girls like to goof around ya know...and at parties, I've asked if you wanted to dance plenty of times and you always said no, but later you'd be dancing with Pony or TwoBit or someone else...Do you just not like me?" He was really searching for an answer here....buy why did it matter so much to him?
"No Dal.......honestly....I'm crazy about you." You know that moment right after you say something that could completely change the atmosphere....that could change your life, and you hold your breath and don't move until someone else responds? Well this would be one of those moments.
"Then why avoid me?" he looked puzzled.
I took a deep breath... "Because I'm tired of dating jerks..and I'm tired of just being used, and of trying to be perfect and I need someone who will..." something stopped my rambling....it wasn't another mention of words..or the tears I was holding back...it was lips...a kiss, a very passionate kiss that led to even more kissing. What was I getting myself into? Just another relationship full of broken promises? I was well on my way to finding out.
I straddled him on the couch and realized I was only wearing underwear and my sweater, my wet jeans had been earlier removed. He stood up and I wrapped my legs around him as we moved through the house and into my room. The remaining clothes were gone in seconds, and there was definitely no coldness left in my body. His skin became instantly warm against mine adding friction between us. I couldn't stop it now, even if I had wanted to...what I had wanted for over a year...was it really happening? Or was I in some stage of delusional hypothermia? My heart raced, and I loved the way his hands explored my skin, the way his body felt against mine. Something about it just felt.....right. It felt real...and for now, that's all that mattered. In that moment, his touch, his kiss, his breath on my skin, our hips moving against each other... was all I wanted.
I awoke to the sun peering in through my window, warming my skin....my..bare skin? And then I felt the arms that were wrapped around me. I rolled over and found a sleepy, naked, Dallas in my bed.
Oh.My.God. I slept with Dallas Winston!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Hopeless Dreaming
I spent my Saturday morning cleaning up the house, before the girls came over since my brother was always hungover and incapable of doing so. I was the one who cleaned up his messes, cooked his meals, made sure the bills got paid, and prayed every night that my brother would find his way home, whether he was alone or not...as long as he came home. I finished cleaning earlier than I expected so I decided to hide in my room and read a book, which usually means I contemplate my life and daydream how I wish it might be different. I got what I wanted though...to escape our overpriced empty house in Cali, to be rid of my dad completely (not that I saw him much anyway), most of all for a fresh start. The girls at my school in Cali were bitches, and the guys were dicks, though I dated a lot of them, except my best friend, Adam. He was sweet, always thought of others, was always there when I needed him, but he was never more than a best friend....and I needed more. In Cali we had a housekeeper to clean up after Owen, but I still made sure I knew where he was and who he was with and that he safely found his (or someone's) pillow every night. I was tired of taking care of him, and with my father never insight, I sought care from the housekeeper who barely spoke English, but it was never enough, and like I said all I dated were assholes who didn't deserve the chance to take care of me anyway.
And then came the daydreaming.......
I don't know if it was the way he looked, or the way he moved, or talked...maybe a combination of all three, but something pulled at me...something like I've never felt before. Yeah, his reputation wasn't great, and maybe I was just falling for another jerk....but this time I couldn't help it. When I moved to Tulsa I told myself things were going to be different, so I tried not to think about him, not to hang out with him too much, other than with the gang, but for a whole year..since I've been here...I just couldn't shake this one...and frankly I didn't want to.
*knock* *knock*
The knock on the door brought me back, and I had to face yet another day of reality.
And then came the daydreaming.......
I don't know if it was the way he looked, or the way he moved, or talked...maybe a combination of all three, but something pulled at me...something like I've never felt before. Yeah, his reputation wasn't great, and maybe I was just falling for another jerk....but this time I couldn't help it. When I moved to Tulsa I told myself things were going to be different, so I tried not to think about him, not to hang out with him too much, other than with the gang, but for a whole year..since I've been here...I just couldn't shake this one...and frankly I didn't want to.
*knock* *knock*
The knock on the door brought me back, and I had to face yet another day of reality.
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