"So how was California?" Dallas asked, just after waking up. I straddled him, my fingers tracing his bare chest.
"Like a living hell." I said.
"How'd you get that?" He traced my bottom swollen lip with his thumb. "And this?" he added, lifting up my shirt and exposing the cut across the middle of my abdomen. "Did a guy do this to you? Cause I'll fly to Cali right now and kick his ass."
"Actually, I beat the shit out of this girl." I wasn't trying to brag, but to word it any differently would be an understatement. "I guess all those lessons you gave me paid off.
He looked surprised.
"Really? Cause that is very sexy..." he grinned.
I sighed and leaned down, my face close to his, and my fingers running through his hair.
"I missed this." I said.
His hands stroked my hips.
"So did I." He replied.
I hardly left Dally's side all weekend, even when he was at Buck's working, I sat at the bar while he sneaked me drinks, and occasionally kisses. It felt as if spring break was weeks ago, because the haze of emotions that so directly controlled my actions was completely gone, and I was once again living in a bliss.
I returned to school Monday, feeling an extra 'pep in my step'. I found the girls at lunch, and took a seat next to Jelly.
"Hey guys!" I said, before chowing down on a sandwich.
"You sure look happy." Dawn said. I was a little embarrassed by my emotionally unstable week in California.
"I am happy." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm sorry you had to see that last week...I had a lot to deal with." I explained, mostly to Dawn and Audrey. I felt like I was literally a PMS'ing nutcase over break, and I hated them seeing me that way.
"Crazy ex-boyfriend, screwed up brother, run in with an old psycho best friend? I don't see how you still have hair left on your head." Dawn teased. "And to watch you unleash it all on that bitch's ass was quite entertaining."
The bell rang signaling the end of the school day and I found Kit, Dawn, Jelly, and Audrey waiting for me in our usual spot in the parking lot. We car pool everyday in order to save gas.
"Oh, you guys go ahead, I have a ride." I said, hearing the motorcycle in the distance. They looked at me puzzled, I had forgotten they didn't know Dallas and I were back together. A second later he pulled up, saying something to the girls. I kissed him, then hopped on behind him, I flashed the girls a smile and we sped off.
Dallas had to work the night shift that night, as he did every Monday night, and Owen was....elsewhere. I was flipping through the television channels when I heard screaming outside. I peered out the window to see Blair running down the street in a panic. By the time I had reached her, she was sitting on the ground, her face buried in her knees.
"Blair?" I knelled down and laid a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"She's hurt, I can't find her but someone has to help her." She replied.
I stared at her confused. "Blair, there's no one else here....just us, why are you screaming?" I noticed the fresh cut forming on her wrist.
"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I pretend it's alright....but it's never enough." She answered.
She was really starting to freak me out. I understood she was hurt, I didn't know why, but all that mattered was that she was hurting, and desperately needed help. We all consider Blair to practically be mute, because she hardly ever talks, but perhaps that wasn't the case at all. Maybe Blair was talking....but no one simply took the time to listen.
"Blair, you can't keep bottling it in like this, it'll just continue to eat away at you till there's nothing left." I said in a soft voice.
"Don't you get it?" her voice raised. "Why should I care when there's nothing worth living for?"
That broke my heart. No matter how bad life gets, or how rough it may be, there's always something waiting on the other side, something worth all the pain and struggle.
"How can I show you?" I said, mostly to myself. "Blair, I don't want to leave you here by yourself, you can come to my house, no one's home." I offered.
Surprisingly she stood to her feet.
"C'mon." I said, placing my hand on her back.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I suggested, trying to get her mind off things. "We have on demand..with all the new releases."
She just sat on the couch, tears streaming down her face, and nodding.
"Here," I handed her the remote, "scroll down and choose a movie. I'm going to put a pizza in the oven."
About ten minutes later I returned to the living room, handing her a coke, and I noticed "Life of Pi" was playing. The whole night we just sat and watched new movies, and ate pizza, and we only ever spoke just one other time, in the middle of the movie.
"I slept with Dallas." She said, catching me off guard.
"I know." I said calmy.
"I'm sorry...I just owed him for something, it didn't mean anything." She was babbling.
I moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her, pushing her head to my shoulder.
"It's okay." I said.
That was it, nothing more, nothing less, but it was all I asked for, and little did I know, we were starting a tradition.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
This is Home
After noticing who Owen was talking to, I immediately dashed back into my room closing the door behind me and leaning against it. My heart was racing, and I began to sweat. Jax was perhaps the very last person I wanted to walk back into my life, maybe aside from Lillah. A heard a knock at my door. I cracked it open, praying it wasn't Jax, and I met those soft familiar eyes that read deep into my soul.
"It's just me." Adam said, pressing through the door.
I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Truth was, I'd rather die then re-face my old life here in Cali, it was like choosing to stay in a cage after your master unlocks the door and says you can come out. What was I doing here? I turned to Adam...
"How did you come out of all this kid?" I asked. He smiled and sat down next to me.
"You just needed me I guess." He said. I sat up and playfully punched him in the leg.
"I know you needed me too." I stuck my tongue out at him.
I spent enough time in my room to ensure there was a large enough time span since Jax had left. I put on my zebra striped, bandeau, mint colored bikini and joined the rest of the gang out in the pool. After about an hour of swimming, everyone was getting hungry and Daniella was starting to make dinner. I decided on a late night shooting pool, playing video games, and drinking fruity cocktails was the way to go. So I changed into my jeans and a black and white striped v neck, and let my wet hair hang loose around my shoulders, in order to make a quick trip to the store. Since it wasn't that far, I decided to walk, and figured it would help me blow off some steam. I had just made it out the gate of our neighborhood, and rounded the street corner across from the store, when two guys from between the buildings grabbed me. One had their hand over my mouth while the other one tried to contain my spastic limbs. A moment later I realized who it was that was carrying me, it was two guys from the Sons. We entered into some trees behind a park when they dropped me in the dirt. I know they didn't mean to, but because I was giving them a hard time in my defense to get away, they just let go and I fell. I stood up and cursed while brushing the dirt off my pants.
"After a year, this is the welcome I get?" I said looking at Phil and Tig. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Hey Rhy." A voice I could pull out of a room filled with people. I spun around.
"Are you shittin me Jax?" I yelled. "You have Tig and Filthy Phil here kidnap me and drag me here against my will, and all you say is 'hey'? What the fuck man?"
Honestly, it was probably the only way he could get me to talk to him, but he didn't have to cause me to almost piss myself in the process.
"Oh don't start Rhyan. You know you wouldn't have come if I asked." He shook his head.
"You could've at least tried." I said. I stood there for a silent moment, shuffling my feet with my arms folded.
"It's good to see you." He said, in that tone he reserved only for me. Jax is a badass, people didn't take him seriously or do what he wanted if he didn't use a thorough strong tone, but he soon learned that, that was no was to speak to a woman and I wasn't going to put up with being spoken to that way, so he quickly adjusted and developed a softer, more light voice that I only heard him use when speaking to me.
"I'm not here for a mushy reunion," I stated, "what do you want?"
"I'm going to put up with you acting this way, because..well I deserve it, but my mom doesn't...and I know she misses you. If theres only one person you decided to visit while you're here, it should be her."
He was right. I loved Gemma, she was the only mother figure I had. I knew that when she found out I had first left California, it was nothing short of a heart break for her, and knowing I was in town now and not stopping by for a visit would be like a slap in the face, and honestly I felt the yearning for a mother's love lately.
"Alright." I sighed. "But I expect a ride." I said.
Jax smirked. "gladly!"
And there I was, on the back of a motorcycle heading to the last place I ever imagined returning to. The moment I stepped foot on the compound, everything came rushing back, attempting to knock me on my feet. I grabbed Jax's arm to steady myself, and hoped he wouldn't take it as some romantic gesture, but I was willing to take that risk over knocking heads with the pavement. I entered the club house, hearing Jax speed off behind me. I guess he figured it'd be easier for me without the pressure of him being there.
"Well I'll be damned!" I heard that Irish accent ringing loud from the group of men sitting at one of the tables playing poker. Chibs rose to his feet, a cigarette hanging out his mouth. He was probably one of the few here that could get me to smile on any given day no matter what I was feeling.
"Hey Chibs. How's it going?" I said.
"Get your wee ass over here and give me a hug." He instantly had his arm around me, pulling me into a bear hug. "You have a run in with Jax yet?" he asked.
"Why else do you think I'd be standing here?" I teased.
"So that's where Tig and Filthy Phil ran off to huh?." He put the pieces together. "I got you something."
He ventured behind the bar and returned with a paper bag. He emptied it into my hand, exposing a small gold ring with a single white pearl with the band forming a butterfly on each side of it. The pear was a reference to what he used to call me. I remember the days when I'd come around here, my hair all pinned up, my makeup the best I could get it, back when Jax and I started dating. Chibs would call out, "Well look at that pearl." I guess it was a reference to something pure, something simple that still held and unrecognized amount of beauty.
"Happy Birthday!" He said.
I had been so caught up with everything going on lately, that I forgot my birthday was in two weeks.
"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked.
"I figured you couldn't leave me here forever." He responded.
I thanked him in the midst of another hug. Then remembered who I had come here to see in the first place.
"Do you know where Gemma is?"
"I believe she's in the office." Chibs instructed.
I gave a light tap on the door. "Come In." I heard a voice say from the other side.
I didn't even have time to breathe before she had her arms wrapped around me and nearly swinging me all over the room.
"All my babies are home at last!" She shouted, before sitting me back down and kissing me on the cheek.
"Don;t get too excited, I'm only here for the week." I said.
"That's enough for me." She said, sitting back down in the office chair.
I sat on the desk next to her.
"So how's my baby girl doing?" She patted my leg.
I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I've been better."
"Does this have anything to do with Jax?" she questioned.
"Not just him....by the way, do you know what your son did to me?" I explained in full exaggeration how Jax literally had me dragged here.
"Don't worry. I'll make him pay for it." she assured.
I half smiled, and Gemma gave me a look that meant she knew there was other stuff I was hiding.
"Okay okay." I said, giving in. "Well, aside from Owen's mischievous acts of crime, and spending spring break in the very place we went to Tulsa to escape..... I left the best thing to ever happen to me confused and brokenhearted standing in my drive way."
Gemma's eyes perked up. "A boy?" she said surprised. I knew that I was already nothing short of a daughter to her, but being with her son would officially make me family, and I know that's secretly what she had hoped for, but I also know she understands, and just wants me to be happy.
"What's this boy like?" she asked.
I began to describe Dallas to her.
"Well, he's the rebel of the group."
Gemma rolled her eyes, "Of course." then she nodded for me to continue.
Dallas Winston. Who was Dallas Winston to me?
"He rides a motorcycle, he's got the street smarts, and will kick your ass if you tell him what to do. Honestly, he scares the living hell outta some people. He likes to get wasted, and never turns down a good fight. He's cold, with a 'hard as nails' attitude that sometimes make me want to punch him. But...then he's not, he's warm, and light-hearted. He's un-tameable, but fragile, and he hates the world because all the world's ever shown him is hate, yet he's passionate, and under all that shallowness is a deep genuine character. He's charismatic, and is always the first person I notice when walking into a crowd of people, and he's not a charity case either, because I don't want to change him, he's perfect just the way he is...and I love that about him." I lost myself in my feelings, exposing the inner thoughts I wasn't even aware I had. And did I just use love and Dallas in the same sentence? Perhaps something only I was capable of doing.
"Honey, it sounds to me like you're crazy, madly in lo.." I cut her off.
"Don't say it." I said. She looked at me puzzled.
Like I had just explained to Gemma, Dallas hates the world. Why would I ever stand aside from that?
"He doesn't know how to love, Gemma..." I said.
She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes, "Then show him how."
I had just made my initial problem something differently entirely. Were hidden reasons why I didn't just prance into Tulsa and beg him to take me back? Reasons not yet known to myself?
"If there's anyone the kid can learn to love, Rhyan, it's you." she added. "I may live a life that's dangerous, wild, and edgy. I put up with the baddest of the bad, but if there's one thing I'm sure of....even the coldest heart can love."
I took a minute to get my feelings together. I collected myself, then said my goodbyes to everyone and assured them I'd be at the party the following night, and paced back home in a stance entirely different than the one I left the house in.
I opened the door to my room and flipped on the lights. Jax was sitting on my bed, staring at me. I jumped.
"Jesus Christ kid! Can't you learn to give a girl a warning?"
He just laughed. I was fed up with his surprise appearances. My emotions were running high this entire trip, and him popping in unannounced wasn't helping.
"Why are you in my room?" I just wanted to pass out.
"Cause, I want to talk to you." he said.
I sat down on the bed next to him. I remembered the many nights we spent in this bed, most of them naked. It made me uncomfortable, so I awkwardly switched my position.
"Rhyan, I know I handled things badly before you left, and I'm so sorry I reacted that way, especially after I saw what it did to you. But, this is my life, it's how I was raised. It's all I know. But, I swear if you give me a chance to work at it...to change my ways...I promise I.."
"No Jax." I said, cutting him off. The 'change my ways' part tuned me out. I was just telling his mom how I liked Dallas just the way he was, however messed that may be. I didn't want him to change, and he shouldn't have to.
"You're not even going to let me finish?" He sounded ticked off.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"I know those feeling can't all just be gone Rhy."
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me intensely. He was right, my feelings for him were not one hundred percent diminished, but my feelings for someone else were one hundred percent stronger. I really didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for what had to be at least five minutes, Jax's eyes never leaving me. Finally, I turned to say something, but when I did all I found were his lips pressed against mine. A second later I heard the door open, revealing Audrey standing in my door way witnessing what had just taken place. She awkwardly turned and left without saying a word.
"Please....just leave." I told him. And so he did, with nothing short of a pissed off look on his face.
The Son's Party was just as wild as the ones I could remember. There was alcohol, of course, everywhere, and half naked girls dancing around the smoke clouded room. I sat at the bar with Gemma and Clay, sipping on a beer. If it had been a year or two ago, I'd be out playing pool with the guys, or dancing to the music, or in the corner somewhere with Jax, back when everyone felt like family. But now, I felt like I was among strangers.....this wasn't home anymore. I noticed Jax hanging around Audrey, who was completely trashed, and the leading her in to a room. A little while later I head some commotion and ran in to see what the problem was. Audrey was puking her guts out on the floor. I immediately knew that Jax had given her something. I found myself screaming again, which I felt I was doing a lot lately. After Gemma ensured that Audrey was in no immediate harm, we hurried back to my house and got her in bed. I sat there a while, making sure she was okay, and figured it was best for her to just sleep it off.
Owen was out doing the legal stuff he came here to do, and it was pouring rain outside, so the gang and I spent the day watching movies and eating junk food. That evening I walked downstairs and came to a dead stop in the living room where I found Owen, Dawn, Gemma, Jax, Chibs, and Lillah.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I gestured to the trashy, dirty, twat dressed in what looked like rags.
"Excuse me?" She said, eyes ablaze.
"You heard exactly what I said Bitch." I answered.
"Do you wanna get cut?" she hissed.
"Try me!" I yelled.
I was so ready for this moment. Before moving to Tulsa, I wasn't terrible in a fight, I was swift, but I didn't use muscle, which doesn't really get you much of anywhere, But now, living on the North side of Tulsa, Lillah didn't stand a chance. I motioned to Dawn to back me up, little did I know I wouldn't need any. Lillah reared her elbow back fro a punch, but I caught her fist with one hand, grabbed her wrist with the other, and bashed her elbow in the glass coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. She cursed then came at me sending us toppling to the floor. She sat on top of me, getting a few punches in, but I grabbed her neck, pushing it to the floor and pinning her to the ground. I punched her a few times in the stomach with my free hand, until I felt her get a hold of my hand in her mouth and biting me. I socked her a good one in the mouth after that. I stood up, and Lillah followed with a slap to my face.
"Oh, I didn't know you were a cheer leader?" I teased.
I pinned her against the wall, my knee in her stomach, and my arm under her chin.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you." She threatened.
In an attempt to pull her away from the wall, she managed to pull out a knife, slightly cutting my abdomen. I grabbed her wrist, twisting it till I heard a snap. She screamed in pain. I picked up the knife and held it firmly, but loose in my hand.
"This is how you hold a knife dip shit." I informed. She came at me again, expecting me to try and slice her open, but instead I head butted her in the nose, sending drops of red dripping on the carpet. I pinned her to the wall again, my hand clasped on her throat and the knife resting above it, barely piercing the first layer of skin.
"If you ever fucking see you again, I won't hesitate to slide this knife right through your tiny cold heart...got it? I pulled her head back and bashed it against the wall. I stepped again, Lillah crumpling at my feet. I turned to see everyone staring in awe.
"Were on earth lassy did you learn to do that?" Chibs asked.
I wiped my bleeding lip on the back of my arm. "I'm a greaser!" I said, spitting on Lillah's unconscious heap.
I went upstairs and into the bathroom to address my wounds, and afterwards found myself in my bed, hot tears streaming down my face. This week was an overload of emotions that were slowly tearing me down piece by piece until I had finally resulted into this broken mess of anxiety. Someone came in the room, it was too dark for me to see who at first. In this moment, even Dallas couldn't comfort me. There was only one person I wanted right now. He crawled into bed next to me, pulling my face to his chest and stroking my hair.
"I know we came here to take care of some stuff, and attempt to provide our friends with a fun filled getaway, but please, can we just go home?" I pleaded. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of California, to go back to Tulsa where I belonged.
"Okay Rhyan." Owen said, kissing the top of my head. "Okay."
Four hours later, I was lying in my bed in Tulsa, with tears still in my eyes. It was three in the morning, but I couldn't manage any sleep. I flipped through the contacts on my phone and dialed the one I wanted.
"Hello?" he said, sounding surprisingly sober. His voice instantly warmed me.
"Dallas.......I need you!" Was all I said, and it was the biggest truth I ever told.
"Where are you?" He asked.
It took all about ten minutes till I heard the motorcycle pull up in the driveway. I opened the door, and found Dallas, confused, standing before me. I couldn't move myself to words at first, what do I even say? And how, with all the tears streaming down my face?
"I don't care about Blair.." I said. Probably not the best start, but I didn't have time to lay it lightly, I was gonna give it straight.
"..and I don't care if my brother is a moral mess, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like I did. It was the worst mistake I ever made, and I wish I could take it back....and I don't know your feelings, but I do know that you're the best relationship I've ever had...and I really fucked up...and.." the tears were pressing deep in my throat. "..and I need you Dallas....I've always needed you." It took only a split second for him to move through the front door way, in to my house and press his lips against mine so hard, that everything in me melted.
"You ever pull a stunt like that again and I'll kill ya, understand?" He said. A statement like this that imposed such violence on a young girl someone cared about would turn most people off, but I couldn't have asked for him to say anything better.
I kissed him again and again, making up for all the ones I had lost over the past week. After making it upstairs, into my bed, and sharing in the splendors of make up sex, I fell asleep in the arms longed for the entire time I was in Cali. This is home.
"It's just me." Adam said, pressing through the door.
I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Truth was, I'd rather die then re-face my old life here in Cali, it was like choosing to stay in a cage after your master unlocks the door and says you can come out. What was I doing here? I turned to Adam...
"How did you come out of all this kid?" I asked. He smiled and sat down next to me.
"You just needed me I guess." He said. I sat up and playfully punched him in the leg.
"I know you needed me too." I stuck my tongue out at him.
I spent enough time in my room to ensure there was a large enough time span since Jax had left. I put on my zebra striped, bandeau, mint colored bikini and joined the rest of the gang out in the pool. After about an hour of swimming, everyone was getting hungry and Daniella was starting to make dinner. I decided on a late night shooting pool, playing video games, and drinking fruity cocktails was the way to go. So I changed into my jeans and a black and white striped v neck, and let my wet hair hang loose around my shoulders, in order to make a quick trip to the store. Since it wasn't that far, I decided to walk, and figured it would help me blow off some steam. I had just made it out the gate of our neighborhood, and rounded the street corner across from the store, when two guys from between the buildings grabbed me. One had their hand over my mouth while the other one tried to contain my spastic limbs. A moment later I realized who it was that was carrying me, it was two guys from the Sons. We entered into some trees behind a park when they dropped me in the dirt. I know they didn't mean to, but because I was giving them a hard time in my defense to get away, they just let go and I fell. I stood up and cursed while brushing the dirt off my pants.
"After a year, this is the welcome I get?" I said looking at Phil and Tig. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Hey Rhy." A voice I could pull out of a room filled with people. I spun around.
"Are you shittin me Jax?" I yelled. "You have Tig and Filthy Phil here kidnap me and drag me here against my will, and all you say is 'hey'? What the fuck man?"
Honestly, it was probably the only way he could get me to talk to him, but he didn't have to cause me to almost piss myself in the process.
"Oh don't start Rhyan. You know you wouldn't have come if I asked." He shook his head.
"You could've at least tried." I said. I stood there for a silent moment, shuffling my feet with my arms folded.
"It's good to see you." He said, in that tone he reserved only for me. Jax is a badass, people didn't take him seriously or do what he wanted if he didn't use a thorough strong tone, but he soon learned that, that was no was to speak to a woman and I wasn't going to put up with being spoken to that way, so he quickly adjusted and developed a softer, more light voice that I only heard him use when speaking to me.
"I'm not here for a mushy reunion," I stated, "what do you want?"
"I'm going to put up with you acting this way, because..well I deserve it, but my mom doesn't...and I know she misses you. If theres only one person you decided to visit while you're here, it should be her."
He was right. I loved Gemma, she was the only mother figure I had. I knew that when she found out I had first left California, it was nothing short of a heart break for her, and knowing I was in town now and not stopping by for a visit would be like a slap in the face, and honestly I felt the yearning for a mother's love lately.
"Alright." I sighed. "But I expect a ride." I said.
Jax smirked. "gladly!"
And there I was, on the back of a motorcycle heading to the last place I ever imagined returning to. The moment I stepped foot on the compound, everything came rushing back, attempting to knock me on my feet. I grabbed Jax's arm to steady myself, and hoped he wouldn't take it as some romantic gesture, but I was willing to take that risk over knocking heads with the pavement. I entered the club house, hearing Jax speed off behind me. I guess he figured it'd be easier for me without the pressure of him being there.
"Well I'll be damned!" I heard that Irish accent ringing loud from the group of men sitting at one of the tables playing poker. Chibs rose to his feet, a cigarette hanging out his mouth. He was probably one of the few here that could get me to smile on any given day no matter what I was feeling.
"Hey Chibs. How's it going?" I said.
"Get your wee ass over here and give me a hug." He instantly had his arm around me, pulling me into a bear hug. "You have a run in with Jax yet?" he asked.
"Why else do you think I'd be standing here?" I teased.
"So that's where Tig and Filthy Phil ran off to huh?." He put the pieces together. "I got you something."
He ventured behind the bar and returned with a paper bag. He emptied it into my hand, exposing a small gold ring with a single white pearl with the band forming a butterfly on each side of it. The pear was a reference to what he used to call me. I remember the days when I'd come around here, my hair all pinned up, my makeup the best I could get it, back when Jax and I started dating. Chibs would call out, "Well look at that pearl." I guess it was a reference to something pure, something simple that still held and unrecognized amount of beauty.
"Happy Birthday!" He said.
I had been so caught up with everything going on lately, that I forgot my birthday was in two weeks.
"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked.
"I figured you couldn't leave me here forever." He responded.
I thanked him in the midst of another hug. Then remembered who I had come here to see in the first place.
"Do you know where Gemma is?"
"I believe she's in the office." Chibs instructed.
I gave a light tap on the door. "Come In." I heard a voice say from the other side.
I didn't even have time to breathe before she had her arms wrapped around me and nearly swinging me all over the room.
"All my babies are home at last!" She shouted, before sitting me back down and kissing me on the cheek.
"Don;t get too excited, I'm only here for the week." I said.
"That's enough for me." She said, sitting back down in the office chair.
I sat on the desk next to her.
"So how's my baby girl doing?" She patted my leg.
I let out a long sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. "I've been better."
"Does this have anything to do with Jax?" she questioned.
"Not just him....by the way, do you know what your son did to me?" I explained in full exaggeration how Jax literally had me dragged here.
"Don't worry. I'll make him pay for it." she assured.
I half smiled, and Gemma gave me a look that meant she knew there was other stuff I was hiding.
"Okay okay." I said, giving in. "Well, aside from Owen's mischievous acts of crime, and spending spring break in the very place we went to Tulsa to escape..... I left the best thing to ever happen to me confused and brokenhearted standing in my drive way."
Gemma's eyes perked up. "A boy?" she said surprised. I knew that I was already nothing short of a daughter to her, but being with her son would officially make me family, and I know that's secretly what she had hoped for, but I also know she understands, and just wants me to be happy.
"What's this boy like?" she asked.
I began to describe Dallas to her.
"Well, he's the rebel of the group."
Gemma rolled her eyes, "Of course." then she nodded for me to continue.
Dallas Winston. Who was Dallas Winston to me?
"He rides a motorcycle, he's got the street smarts, and will kick your ass if you tell him what to do. Honestly, he scares the living hell outta some people. He likes to get wasted, and never turns down a good fight. He's cold, with a 'hard as nails' attitude that sometimes make me want to punch him. But...then he's not, he's warm, and light-hearted. He's un-tameable, but fragile, and he hates the world because all the world's ever shown him is hate, yet he's passionate, and under all that shallowness is a deep genuine character. He's charismatic, and is always the first person I notice when walking into a crowd of people, and he's not a charity case either, because I don't want to change him, he's perfect just the way he is...and I love that about him." I lost myself in my feelings, exposing the inner thoughts I wasn't even aware I had. And did I just use love and Dallas in the same sentence? Perhaps something only I was capable of doing.
"Honey, it sounds to me like you're crazy, madly in lo.." I cut her off.
"Don't say it." I said. She looked at me puzzled.
Like I had just explained to Gemma, Dallas hates the world. Why would I ever stand aside from that?
"He doesn't know how to love, Gemma..." I said.
She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes, "Then show him how."
I had just made my initial problem something differently entirely. Were hidden reasons why I didn't just prance into Tulsa and beg him to take me back? Reasons not yet known to myself?
"If there's anyone the kid can learn to love, Rhyan, it's you." she added. "I may live a life that's dangerous, wild, and edgy. I put up with the baddest of the bad, but if there's one thing I'm sure of....even the coldest heart can love."
I took a minute to get my feelings together. I collected myself, then said my goodbyes to everyone and assured them I'd be at the party the following night, and paced back home in a stance entirely different than the one I left the house in.
I opened the door to my room and flipped on the lights. Jax was sitting on my bed, staring at me. I jumped.
"Jesus Christ kid! Can't you learn to give a girl a warning?"
He just laughed. I was fed up with his surprise appearances. My emotions were running high this entire trip, and him popping in unannounced wasn't helping.
"Why are you in my room?" I just wanted to pass out.
"Cause, I want to talk to you." he said.
I sat down on the bed next to him. I remembered the many nights we spent in this bed, most of them naked. It made me uncomfortable, so I awkwardly switched my position.
"Rhyan, I know I handled things badly before you left, and I'm so sorry I reacted that way, especially after I saw what it did to you. But, this is my life, it's how I was raised. It's all I know. But, I swear if you give me a chance to work at it...to change my ways...I promise I.."
"No Jax." I said, cutting him off. The 'change my ways' part tuned me out. I was just telling his mom how I liked Dallas just the way he was, however messed that may be. I didn't want him to change, and he shouldn't have to.
"You're not even going to let me finish?" He sounded ticked off.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"I know those feeling can't all just be gone Rhy."
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me intensely. He was right, my feelings for him were not one hundred percent diminished, but my feelings for someone else were one hundred percent stronger. I really didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for what had to be at least five minutes, Jax's eyes never leaving me. Finally, I turned to say something, but when I did all I found were his lips pressed against mine. A second later I heard the door open, revealing Audrey standing in my door way witnessing what had just taken place. She awkwardly turned and left without saying a word.
"Please....just leave." I told him. And so he did, with nothing short of a pissed off look on his face.
The Son's Party was just as wild as the ones I could remember. There was alcohol, of course, everywhere, and half naked girls dancing around the smoke clouded room. I sat at the bar with Gemma and Clay, sipping on a beer. If it had been a year or two ago, I'd be out playing pool with the guys, or dancing to the music, or in the corner somewhere with Jax, back when everyone felt like family. But now, I felt like I was among strangers.....this wasn't home anymore. I noticed Jax hanging around Audrey, who was completely trashed, and the leading her in to a room. A little while later I head some commotion and ran in to see what the problem was. Audrey was puking her guts out on the floor. I immediately knew that Jax had given her something. I found myself screaming again, which I felt I was doing a lot lately. After Gemma ensured that Audrey was in no immediate harm, we hurried back to my house and got her in bed. I sat there a while, making sure she was okay, and figured it was best for her to just sleep it off.
Owen was out doing the legal stuff he came here to do, and it was pouring rain outside, so the gang and I spent the day watching movies and eating junk food. That evening I walked downstairs and came to a dead stop in the living room where I found Owen, Dawn, Gemma, Jax, Chibs, and Lillah.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I gestured to the trashy, dirty, twat dressed in what looked like rags.
"Excuse me?" She said, eyes ablaze.
"You heard exactly what I said Bitch." I answered.
"Do you wanna get cut?" she hissed.
"Try me!" I yelled.
I was so ready for this moment. Before moving to Tulsa, I wasn't terrible in a fight, I was swift, but I didn't use muscle, which doesn't really get you much of anywhere, But now, living on the North side of Tulsa, Lillah didn't stand a chance. I motioned to Dawn to back me up, little did I know I wouldn't need any. Lillah reared her elbow back fro a punch, but I caught her fist with one hand, grabbed her wrist with the other, and bashed her elbow in the glass coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. She cursed then came at me sending us toppling to the floor. She sat on top of me, getting a few punches in, but I grabbed her neck, pushing it to the floor and pinning her to the ground. I punched her a few times in the stomach with my free hand, until I felt her get a hold of my hand in her mouth and biting me. I socked her a good one in the mouth after that. I stood up, and Lillah followed with a slap to my face.
"Oh, I didn't know you were a cheer leader?" I teased.
I pinned her against the wall, my knee in her stomach, and my arm under her chin.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you." She threatened.
In an attempt to pull her away from the wall, she managed to pull out a knife, slightly cutting my abdomen. I grabbed her wrist, twisting it till I heard a snap. She screamed in pain. I picked up the knife and held it firmly, but loose in my hand.
"This is how you hold a knife dip shit." I informed. She came at me again, expecting me to try and slice her open, but instead I head butted her in the nose, sending drops of red dripping on the carpet. I pinned her to the wall again, my hand clasped on her throat and the knife resting above it, barely piercing the first layer of skin.
"If you ever fucking see you again, I won't hesitate to slide this knife right through your tiny cold heart...got it? I pulled her head back and bashed it against the wall. I stepped again, Lillah crumpling at my feet. I turned to see everyone staring in awe.
"Were on earth lassy did you learn to do that?" Chibs asked.
I wiped my bleeding lip on the back of my arm. "I'm a greaser!" I said, spitting on Lillah's unconscious heap.
I went upstairs and into the bathroom to address my wounds, and afterwards found myself in my bed, hot tears streaming down my face. This week was an overload of emotions that were slowly tearing me down piece by piece until I had finally resulted into this broken mess of anxiety. Someone came in the room, it was too dark for me to see who at first. In this moment, even Dallas couldn't comfort me. There was only one person I wanted right now. He crawled into bed next to me, pulling my face to his chest and stroking my hair.
"I know we came here to take care of some stuff, and attempt to provide our friends with a fun filled getaway, but please, can we just go home?" I pleaded. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of California, to go back to Tulsa where I belonged.
"Okay Rhyan." Owen said, kissing the top of my head. "Okay."
Four hours later, I was lying in my bed in Tulsa, with tears still in my eyes. It was three in the morning, but I couldn't manage any sleep. I flipped through the contacts on my phone and dialed the one I wanted.
"Hello?" he said, sounding surprisingly sober. His voice instantly warmed me.
"Dallas.......I need you!" Was all I said, and it was the biggest truth I ever told.
"Where are you?" He asked.
It took all about ten minutes till I heard the motorcycle pull up in the driveway. I opened the door, and found Dallas, confused, standing before me. I couldn't move myself to words at first, what do I even say? And how, with all the tears streaming down my face?
"I don't care about Blair.." I said. Probably not the best start, but I didn't have time to lay it lightly, I was gonna give it straight.
"..and I don't care if my brother is a moral mess, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like I did. It was the worst mistake I ever made, and I wish I could take it back....and I don't know your feelings, but I do know that you're the best relationship I've ever had...and I really fucked up...and.." the tears were pressing deep in my throat. "..and I need you Dallas....I've always needed you." It took only a split second for him to move through the front door way, in to my house and press his lips against mine so hard, that everything in me melted.
"You ever pull a stunt like that again and I'll kill ya, understand?" He said. A statement like this that imposed such violence on a young girl someone cared about would turn most people off, but I couldn't have asked for him to say anything better.
I kissed him again and again, making up for all the ones I had lost over the past week. After making it upstairs, into my bed, and sharing in the splendors of make up sex, I fell asleep in the arms longed for the entire time I was in Cali. This is home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)