Hopeless Dreaming

I spent my Saturday morning cleaning up the house, before the girls came over since my brother was always hungover and incapable of doing so. I was the one who cleaned up his messes, cooked his meals, made sure the bills got paid, and prayed every night that my brother would find his way home, whether he was alone or not...as long as he came home. I finished cleaning earlier than I expected so I decided to hide in my room and read a book, which usually means I contemplate my life and daydream how I wish it might be different. I got what I wanted though...to escape our overpriced empty house in Cali, to be rid of my dad completely (not that I saw him much anyway), most of all for a fresh start. The girls at my school in Cali were bitches, and the guys were dicks, though I dated a lot of them, except my best friend, Adam. He was sweet, always thought of others, was always there when I needed him, but he was never more than a best friend....and I needed more. In Cali we had a housekeeper to clean up after Owen, but I still made sure I knew where he was and who he was with and that he safely found his (or someone's) pillow every night. I was tired of taking care of him, and with my father never insight, I sought care from the housekeeper who barely spoke English, but it was never enough, and like I said all I dated were assholes who didn't deserve the chance to take care of me anyway.
And then came the daydreaming.......
I don't know if it was the way he looked, or the way he moved, or talked...maybe a combination of all three, but something pulled at me...something like I've never felt before. Yeah, his reputation wasn't great, and maybe I was just falling for another jerk....but this time I couldn't help it. When I moved to Tulsa I told myself things were going to be different, so I tried not to think about him, not to hang out with him too much, other than with the gang, but for a whole year..since I've been here...I just couldn't shake this one...and frankly I didn't want to.
*knock* *knock*
The knock on the door brought me back, and I had to face yet another day of reality.